The last two years have been tumultuous, full of change, growth, steps forward, and steps back. A divorce. Two moves. A new home with a fresh start; a place to make my own. And even a glimpse of a future with some happiness, contentment, and maybe even budding romance. I Continue Reading …
You would never think they are comparable, but they are. Who has it worse? Everyone loves to play this game. If asked, everyone would say cancer. Before my infertility journey, I would have agreed 100 percent. But now I don’t. I don’t think one is worse. I think they both Continue Reading …
Loss is not a dirty word. To anyone that has never experienced a loss, specifically a child loss, the statement may seem silly. Anyone who hasn’t gone through the intense pain of losing someone so tied to your heart, mind, and soul often dismisses that a majority of the Continue Reading …
What I wish I could tell the non-loss community: My grief overwhelms me. Some days I sit and cry all day. Some days I’m so angry my skin turns red. Some days I feel numb. Some days I pour my grief into writing. Some days, I’m okay. I grieve everything Continue Reading …
On the tragic day that Jack Teigen-Legend lost his life, I woke to a very kind text. My friend was warning me the news was covered with details of the Teigen-Legend loss and she wanted to warn me, in case it stirred up feelings of the day Thomas died. I Continue Reading …
I want to live in the before. It’s a land of abundant sunshine and green grass. A place that I once lived and where I only thought I had any “problems”. Really, that place is a but a memory now. One that I sometimes fondly long for. At other times, one that Continue Reading …
My grief is heavy today. There is no one to tell. No one to turn to. I must be resilient and self-reliant. The clock stopped long ago on my grief. No one wants to hear it. It’s old news. Everyone else has moved on. Days like to today mean I Continue Reading …
We have this image in our heads of the people in our lives. We see what they do for others in times of need. We see how amazing they are and then we expect that image to come true for us when we need them the most. Unfortunately, people rarely Continue Reading …
To my friend who asks about my pregnancy. Thank you. Thank you for realising I want to talk about it. Thank you for realising my pregnancy still means something to me. Thank you for allowing me to share my memories. Thank you for asking my advice in relation to your Continue Reading …
Those early grief days were some of the hardest days of my life. I say that as a survivor of child abuse. I say that as a suicide survivor. I say that as a survivor of multiple miscarriages. I say that as a mother who gave birth to a perfect Continue Reading …
By Alison Ferrera Bereaved motherhood and a pandemic is complicated and there is much to say, but let me just start by saying COVID-19 sucks. It sucks for everyone. And there are so, so, many specific groups it sucks extra for. And, yes, my mother taught me not to say ‘sucks.’ But this Continue Reading …
By Clare Hedges I woke up this morning with a desire to get some words out of my head and onto paper. It has been a year and three months since our beautiful daughter went to sleep forever. She was seven weeks old, perfect in every single way and everything Continue Reading …
Well, the world has pretty much gone insane and it is my goal to write this post without using the words “unprecedented times”. Because I hear those words so often; I feel like it could be a drinking game and as someone who can’t drink alcohol, I can’t tell you Continue Reading …
By Chelsea Roman The days and weeks after the death of my daughter, Athena, I’ve been flooded with “I can’t imagine” and similar comments; they are empty and unhelpful. This is my response to those comments: _______________________________ Editor’s Note: This guest post is by a member of Continue Reading …
By Amii Whelan “I think they should let those with children go home early for Christmas, it’s hard for those of us with young kids”, “I’m going to work right up to Christmas this year to let those with kids have time so when I have kids someone can do Continue Reading …
Losing our babies changes everything in life for us. We lose not just our babies, but the future we had envisioned with them. We lose our sense of identity as a parent, and so much more. Some of these changes, called secondary losses, are just so unexpected, though, like when Continue Reading …
The internet is both one of the best and the worst things to happen in the world of grief support. We now have websites, pages, and support groups for grievers; places where we can be heard and feel understood by people around the world. Celebrities are even opening up and Continue Reading …
By Necol Dickson Dear Family, I know that me deciding not to be involved in Christmas this year may come across as seeming rude, inconsiderate and hurtful. I’m writing this letter for you to read at Christmas, so I can give you a bit of an idea of why I Continue Reading …
By Amy Peterson As a popular blogger and fellow loss mom wrote, we live in a pregnancy and baby obsessed society. “Mom culture” has exploded in recent years. Gender reveal parties are now a thing and many are elaborate affairs. Etsy is filled with never-ending onesies that can be personalized Continue Reading …
By Gina Onorevole (Editor’s note: this article does touch on faith, keeping positive, and hopes for future living children; if these are sensitive topics for you, please read with caution.) Since October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month, I chose to be brave and share my story today. Writing Continue Reading …
Earlier this year, I wrote about one of the phrases I hate, namely when people accuse us of being ‘stuck’ in our grief. A writing prompt from 2019’s World Childless Week got me thinking about another phrase that I hate, “as a parent, I have empathy.” Equating parenthood and empathy Continue Reading …
By Deborah Hansen In the months, and even years, after the moment those dreaded words were spoken, “I am so sorry, there is no heartbeat”. (And, yes, it took the doctor multiple tries for me to understand my baby was dead.) We wonder, ask and even beg for “normalcy” to Continue Reading …
Growing up, I assumed that parenthood was a given; you grew up, got married and had kids. The college you went to, the job you had, the person you married, those were all choices but becoming a parent was an automatic part of life. Ah, the innocence of childhood. Life Continue Reading …
As a single Mom of an angel son, who also chose not to have other children, many have met me at different stages of my life and do not know about the journey I have with Kendall, nor the love I will always carry for, and with, him. Some of Continue Reading …
It’s that time of year again, where my Facebook memories from 2012 cryptically allude to my pregnancy. We hadn’t announced, yet – soon, but reading back I’m well aware what time it was. Why I had so many appointments, why I was so very tired. When grief was fresh and Continue Reading …
One common experience of bereaved parents is the unhelpful comments that are so often directed at us. One of the ones that I most hate is when they accuse us of being stuck in our grief or stuck in the past because we are not done with grieving as fast Continue Reading …
I am a Still Mother. That much is infinitely true. But, this is only one aspect of my existence and my story. While it is a part of who I am, and will forever be, it is not all of me. It’s taken me some time to build up the Continue Reading …
By Alison Ferrara *Editor’s Note: This post was originally published on Alison’s blog here. At some point in our lives we will all encounter grief. It may be the loss of someone that affects you for a short time and then you can move forward with life just as you once Continue Reading …
Sometimes, I find myself reading posts from Moms that are at the very beginning of their loss journey and my heart aches for them. The pangs of deepest agony that ring throughout their words can easily bring me back to those very moments myself. I wish there were magic words Continue Reading …
Recently, I had a professional experience in which someone intentionally utilized my blogs about Kendall as a way to discredit me. The implication was that because I suffered through losing a baby, particularly without the love and support of his father, I must have a bias toward men. Although some Continue Reading …
We are midway through January; keeping with the zeal of New Year’s resolutions and hope – I’m on a real organization kick in my house. Which means I’m unearthing all sorts of crazy things that I don’t even want to wonder how I acquired – like ten (TEN!) boxes of Continue Reading …
By Antonietta Bocci Grief is often classified as consisting in a variable number of stages, some of which include guilt as a necessary step towards healing and as bound to an endless list of “what if’s;” guilt is a place of blame, where we wonder what our lives would be Continue Reading …
By Amy Peterson Grief is messy. This is a simple truth that much of society still doesn’t want to accept. Some people try to sugarcoat it. This only causes further pain because sugarcoating it implies that there is some “right” or “socially acceptable” way to grieve. You’re supposed to feel Continue Reading …
Happy Holidays! Such a simple wish, seemingly full of joy and comfort. Yet, for those who are missing a baby or child during this season, it is full of many things but often neither joy nor comfort. I remember many years, at the beginning of this journey, when the holiday Continue Reading …
By Crystal Barber As you grow up, there are always topics of conversation that seem to take place with every new person you meet. It starts in childhood: “What’s your name?”, “How old are you?”…and so on. Once school age you are asked about your interests; such as, favorite color, Continue Reading …
Last month marked what would have been Kendall’s 20th birthday. I spent it alone, as I have almost every other one, yet this time was different. Internally, I have shifted from the place of “these anniversaries are sacred and mine alone” to the space of wanting to have someone, or Continue Reading …
I thought today would be different. Isn’t that cute? Six years of mourning and I thought it would be different. Six years ago today, we interred Thomas’ ashes; it was a grey, windy, cold day – the day before we observe Remembrance Day, in Canada. I thought it was fitting, Continue Reading …
October 20th will mark what would have been Kendall’s 20th Birthday. Yet, like every other year, there will be no celebration. There will be moments of reflection and some tears. There will be lingering “if onlys” and “what ifs”. And there will be many moments of loneliness and solitude. Some Continue Reading …
by Antonietta Bocci As a grieving mother of a baby girl born and lost six months ago, I’m in the middle of what they call “the angry stage”. I wake up in the morning and start directing my rage at anybody who’s had the misfortune to cross my path: family Continue Reading …
By Stephanie Martinez No one remembers our babies. At least not until someone in the family gets pregnant. Then its “don’t tell Stephanie” or “How do I tell her without hurting her” or “I don’t want to remind her that she lost a baby. She’s so fragile about the ‘incident’.” Continue Reading …
I was 28 when I was surprised by the news I was pregnant. I was taken back by the news but I was also excited about being a Mom. Regardless of circumstances this little life growing inside of me was a gift and I was able to commit and become Continue Reading …
I went a co-worker’s wedding a few weeks ago. It was more of a work obligation than a social one, but I felt I had to go and, unfortunately, my husband wasn’t able to come with me. The only thing worse than being alone at a wedding, is being a Continue Reading …
By Sue Dagg Life isn’t fair. This is a phrase I remember having repeated to me over and over by my mother when I was growing up. It’s actually held me in good stead, preventing me from worrying too much about what I have compared to others; understanding that life Continue Reading …
I’m approaching my 6th year as a loss mom; which is a bit crazy – it means some how, some way, I have survived the past 6 years, even though Thomas didn’t. I never would have imagined surviving that first hour; let alone 6 years. What I have realized lately, Continue Reading …
It’s been a year and a half since my daughter, River, died. December 22nd, 2016, was the day the old me died too. I no longer see the world the same way. I am me and I’ve changed. I’ve learned that the world goes on while our world stops, completely. Continue Reading …
Grief waves strike without warning. A beautiful day full of celebration can turn on a dime and the sadness and tears can overwhelm all other emotions. It is a reality one lives with as we walk through the loss of a baby and all of the accompanying hopes and dreams. Continue Reading …
By Alison Ferrera As I write this I am acutely aware, as I always am, of exactly how long I have lived without my daughter. Six months and twenty days as of today. It should be getting better, right? No. As time goes on, I have found that people know Continue Reading …
I have been following the news, much like I’m sure many of you are, the Mama Orca is on her 16th day of carrying her deceased baby. A world wide marine mourning; that every bereaved mother understands with a heavy heart. I wish I could join her. I wish I Continue Reading …
By Brooke Long Just last weekend, while driving home from seeing my two amazing godchildren, I heard the new song “Life Changes” by Thomas Rhett for the first time. A country girl at heart, I’ve always enjoyed his music… but something about this song struck a chord in me that Continue Reading …
By Sue Dagg We need to talk. No, not you, new Loss Mother and Loss Fathers. You focus on whatever gets you through each moment. I need to talk to the people surrounding you as you navigate your shock and grief. I want to give some advice that could save Continue Reading …
That horrible night in the ER twenty years ago was the loneliest I have ever been. My heart was breaking, part of me wanted it to simply stop beating all together, but although grateful it did not, it was aching with grief. I went to the ER alone, as I Continue Reading …
(Editor’s Note: This article does touch on hopes and fears of having another child. If this is a sensitive topic for you, please read with caution) I lost my daughter two years ago now, as unimaginable as that seems to me most days. But, the days have passed, the months Continue Reading …
As the Mom of an angel baby, who at the time of his loss was no longer in a relationship with his father, Father’s Day has never been a day that I enjoy. I am blessed with a wonderful Dad and so I am glad to honor and celebrate with Continue Reading …
Today is my sweet daughter Celia’s birthday. She would be two years old. I have been struggling with the fact that this anniversary seems to be even more difficult than the 1st. I have been sleeping 12 or more hours a day, binging on sweets, and feeling lonelier than ever. Continue Reading …
By Sue Dagg I have a secret; one that I would actually prefer for others to know. This secret echoes inside my mind every time I meet someone new, or see someone from my distant past. Sometimes the voice in my mind whispers, and other times it bellows. Throughout the Continue Reading …
I’m starting to get annoyed. Yup, you’ve been warned. Six years since we buried Thomas; and many years since I let go of the dream of raising a living child, I have had a lot of therapy. I have had time to process, to feel my feelings, to speak my Continue Reading …
So, here we are again, approaching Mother’s Day as we do every year. Until I lost Kendall 20 years ago, I had no idea there were people who hated this day. I loved having a special day to celebrate my Mom and my Gramma. I was blessed in that way, Continue Reading …
As of today, it has now been five years since my fifth miscarriage. May 2nd should be about raising virtual wands in memory of those who died in the battle of Hogwarts. I should be reading Harry Potter to my preschooler and watching the movies after she is in bed. Continue Reading …
By Sue Dagg When I was a little girl, I remember saying to my Mum, “it’s not an excuse, it’s a REASON!” That seemed like an important distinction at the time, a finer point of language for a child. An excuse was either my fault, a weakness, or an effort Continue Reading …
{Editor’s Note: This article deals with trying to conceive, infertility and the hope of a living child after loss; if these are sensitive subjects for you, please read with caution.} By Amy Lied In our trials to have a child, we have only experienced loss. Initially, we struggled with unexplained Continue Reading …
by Brittany Sherlock Two years ago my life changed forever. Two years ago my daughter was born sleeping. Two years ago I held my beautiful perfect angel for the first and last time. Two years ago I counted her fingers and toes and snuggled her close to me and breathed Continue Reading …
April 14th will mark the 20th loss anniversary of my son Kendall. Twenty years of tears and joys, losses and loves, hopes and dreams shattered and others birthed into fruition. If anyone had dared tell me I would be peaceful with the approaching of this anniversary I would have been Continue Reading …
“It’s just too sad. I don’t want to think about that…I can’t be around it.” I remember when I had this switch you seem to be referring to. The switch that could turn off the sympathetic hurt that I was feeling when someone else was dealing with something awful; that Continue Reading …
By Alison Ferrara Dear New Momma, You are about to embark on the scariest, most heartbreaking, most beautiful journey of your life. You think you know this now. You think that when you saw those two lines you knew what to expect. You read the books and know you’ll read Continue Reading …
To My Acquaintances Who Did Not Hear: This is for all of you who see me regularly but are not my friends, to those who knew I was pregnant but have not heard from me or anyone close to me since I disappeared, and to those who know I was Continue Reading …
Those of us who have been single as full grown adults know that most in our age range have children, and at this stage of the game, a good portion of my peers have grandchildren. So, there is the inevitable “Do you have kids?” question that comes up almost immediately. Continue Reading …
I lost my daughter. That is my truth. Once I got over the initial shock of her loss, and accepted that truth, I knew I had two real choices on how to move forward. I could face the future with bitterness, resentment and consider her loss the only defining factor Continue Reading …
*Editors Note: This post is about the author’s struggle with faith, religion and personal beliefs after loss. If faith is a triggering subject for you, please proceed with caution, or simply skip this post. *** Let me start of by saying that this is not intended to bash or discourage anyone that Continue Reading …
When you lose a baby no one ever tells you how completely and utterly alone you feel once you come out of hospital. I think this feeling for me was more profound than any other when my little boy died when I was 20 weeks pregnant. I had spent those Continue Reading …
Grief really is like the wave that so many people relate it to. Sometimes you feel as if you’re drowning, sometimes you are just barely treading water enough to breathe, sometimes the tidal wave smashes over your head and you don’t know which way is up or if you’ll survive. Continue Reading …
Dear Expectant/Newborn Mother, Let me just say that I am so happy for you. I am so happy that your baby is healthy and that you are okay. It is a relief that you do not know the earth shattering pain that I live with every day. I am elated that Continue Reading …
When I found out I was pregnant with Kendall, I was no longer in a relationship with his Dad. There were real reasons why the relationship was over, ironically, one of them was he already had children and was not the kind of Dad to them I wanted for my Continue Reading …
At 11.50PM, September 6th 2017, I gave birth to death. My first son was stillborn at 36 week gestation and – as every mother would say – he was by far the most beautiful, perfectly adorable baby I have ever laid eyes on. He had my nose and cute little Continue Reading …
It’s now been 21 years since I said goodbye to my first child, the amethyst color of my heart. The day of her miscarriage, I was so filled with shock that one moment I could be pregnant and the next, not. That just wasn’t supposed to happen. Now, a lifetime Continue Reading …
There’s not much that you can say you “expect” after the loss of a child. Every day is unexpected; will the grief blindly sneak up on me today? Will the guilt hit me? Will I see a mom and baby and instantly be plagued with the thoughts of “what if”? Continue Reading …
I’m reclaiming my daughter’s birth. When I went into labour at 23+4 weeks, I was scared and sad. I’d been on strict bed rest almost two weeks since my membranes ruptured and we had moved from ‘no hope’ to ‘some hope’ in that time. But in the moment I realised Continue Reading …
If you did not read my previous posts, Therapeutic Endeavors part I & part II, I’ll catch you up. Basically; I had a crappy therapist, became a therapist and then had a much better therapist. He suggested I write a letter to my son telling him all the things I Continue Reading …
If you read the first part of this post last time, you already know that I had nothing but bad experiences with therapists my whole life. You also probably know (if you’ve ever read any of my posts) that this inspired me to become a therapist myself to help bereaved Continue Reading …
Have I ever told you about the therapist I saw just one time after my son died? No? Let me tell you now. If I could sum it up in one word? Awful. I was hesitant about seeing a therapist at all because it was something I had to do Continue Reading …
Recently, I found a box of old pictures – always an interesting and terrifying worm hole to jump down. These were pictures from high school – prom, birthdays, last day of school etc. What startled me is how very different the girl in the picture’s face was and it wasn’t Continue Reading …
It has been 19 years since that awful night in the emergency room when everything changed. Nineteen years since the woman I was shifted into the woman who became “one of those people”. One of those people who bad things happen to and who are involved in the stories that Continue Reading …
When I was early in the grief process, I read an amazing post, over at Still Standing, by the equally amazing Angela Miller. It was titled “Why you Didn’t Fail as a Mother” and it changed how I grieved. I book marked it. I re-read it. When it came out Continue Reading …
When you are unwillingly initiated into the baby loss “club,” one of the first things you usually learn is what your personal grief triggers are. I discussed triggers in depth in an earlier post but basically triggers are something that intensifies grief for a period of time. They can be Continue Reading …
Grieving the loss of your baby is a very, very lonely road. It is long. It is slow. It is isolating. At the beginning you cry endlessly, you are in complete despair. This is what people expect. It makes sense to them. The funeral is the pinnacle of this public expression of grief Continue Reading …
While I know that nothing will ever replace the loss of my daughter and I will never stop wondering, “what if”, as I have worked through my grief I have learned there is a silver lining in her life and in her loss. Through her, I have felt support and Continue Reading …
I had wonderful Christmas mornings, growing up. My face would light up, as I would peer around the corner and see that stockings had been filled. My sister, who had been awake since 3 a.m. would wake me up – none too gently, at 7 a.m. Wrapping paper would fly, Continue Reading …
Last Christmas was the first without our sweet boy, and honestly, it was as crappy as I had expected it to be. Between the traditions we had been planning to fulfill with him, the gifts we had planned to buy, and all the Christmas joy we wanted to share with Continue Reading …
I am sure for many, the idea of being a Childless Mother, is an oxymoron. For, if one does not have a child, she is not a Mother. Prior to 1998, I too, would have thought this way. Yet my life, and that of far too many others, reflect that Continue Reading …
OK, I know what you’re thinking… There is nothing worse than a Breakdown. It’s been days, months, and maybe years since you’ve had one. It could be just hours or minutes since your last. Congratulations on getting through it! Now what did you learn? To me, Breakdowns are the worst Continue Reading …
Do you ever feel frustrated or resentful when you hear people complaining about their kids? Like when your friend vents about how little sleep she’s getting with her newborn waking through the night, or when your sister-in-law gripes to you about her pregnancy symptoms… or your co-worker complains about how Continue Reading …
I’ve always thought of myself as a genuine and empathetic person. In fact, I still find that to be true. However, after the loss of my daughter something shifted in me and while I don’t like it, I haven’t got to the point where I can control or change it, Continue Reading …
Today was All Saints Day at my church. The day is meant to commemorate the souls of our dearly departed. We were asked to recall people who we considered saints in our own lives and how their actions impacted us. We were also encouraged to think of our own legacy Continue Reading …
Thanksgiving used to be really special to me. Not because of the history or the food, but because the fact that it was a true display of who held us most dear. Whether we were invited out somewhere or hosted dinner at our own place (this only happened once), we Continue Reading …
Tonight I am feeling so angry. I am furious with the world and with God and with all the events that led to my girl being taken from me. I am supposed to be at a work function right now, but I took myself away because the last thing I Continue Reading …
There are many things I struggled with after losing my daughter and in all honesty, every day still brings its own struggles. While I feel as though I’m through the storm, the battle is not over. The battle will never truly be over and I’m okay with that because moving Continue Reading …
I am a mother, however, because my son passed away when he was 2 weeks old, I don’t fit in with all of the other, “normal” moms. You know, the lucky ones whose children are still living. I am a mother like no other. It’s a shame, because we have Continue Reading …
Today is my son’s first birthday. For a first-time mother, that seems like a strange thing to say. With each passing year, our own age shows that we are getting older. That we have more experiences and more life behind us than the year before. Then we have children, and Continue Reading …
2016 was the year of loss for me. After losing my daughter, I also faced the loss of my relationship with her father. All of that on its own was extremely tough to work through, but then I faced something incredibly confusing and daunting– dating. Except, this wasn’t only dating- Continue Reading …
A non-profit organization that I work with held their 7th annual Footprints On Our Hearts Walk To Remember the weekend of Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. My husband and I had never attended a walk for our son before. It was an extremely emotional but comforting experience for us. Continue Reading …
Returning to work – the final stage of acceptance and putting together the last piece of what resembles your normal life before your world broke in half. My daughter passed away when she was 3 months old, half way through my 6-month maternity leave agreement. This was in some sense Continue Reading …
