The last two years have been tumultuous, full of change, growth, steps forward, and steps back. A divorce. Two moves. A new home with a fresh start; a place to make my own. And even a glimpse of a future with some happiness, contentment, and maybe even budding romance. I Continue Reading …
Losing our babies changes everything in life for us. We lose not just our babies, but the future we had envisioned with them. We lose our sense of identity as a parent, and so much more. Some of these changes, called secondary losses, are just so unexpected, though, like when Continue Reading …
The internet is both one of the best and the worst things to happen in the world of grief support. We now have websites, pages, and support groups for grievers; places where we can be heard and feel understood by people around the world. Celebrities are even opening up and Continue Reading …
Earlier this year, I wrote about one of the phrases I hate, namely when people accuse us of being ‘stuck’ in our grief. A writing prompt from 2019’s World Childless Week got me thinking about another phrase that I hate, “as a parent, I have empathy.” Equating parenthood and empathy Continue Reading …
Growing up, I assumed that parenthood was a given; you grew up, got married and had kids. The college you went to, the job you had, the person you married, those were all choices but becoming a parent was an automatic part of life. Ah, the innocence of childhood. Life Continue Reading …
One common experience of bereaved parents is the unhelpful comments that are so often directed at us. One of the ones that I most hate is when they accuse us of being stuck in our grief or stuck in the past because we are not done with grieving as fast Continue Reading …
I went a co-worker’s wedding a few weeks ago. It was more of a work obligation than a social one, but I felt I had to go and, unfortunately, my husband wasn’t able to come with me. The only thing worse than being alone at a wedding, is being a Continue Reading …
As of today, it has now been five years since my fifth miscarriage. May 2nd should be about raising virtual wands in memory of those who died in the battle of Hogwarts. I should be reading Harry Potter to my preschooler and watching the movies after she is in bed. Continue Reading …
It’s now been 21 years since I said goodbye to my first child, the amethyst color of my heart. The day of her miscarriage, I was so filled with shock that one moment I could be pregnant and the next, not. That just wasn’t supposed to happen. Now, a lifetime Continue Reading …
After having five miscarriages, there are a lot of dates on the calendar to dread. There are loss anniversaries, due dates that didn’t come to be, real holidays and greeting card holidays that can all make me feel like I am drowning in grief again. But August, though it has Continue Reading …
Lately, everything I look at is blurred, doubled, and unclear. I put off scheduling an eye exam for a while because I just wasn’t prepared to deal with any more bad news in my life. But when I finally couldn’t take it any more, I tried to get an exam Continue Reading …
Every year, as a child, I would watch the Rudolph Christmas Special. And every year, the part that really spoke to me was the Island of Misfit Toys. I think most children feel like misfits at times since there is always something different about us (wearing glasses, left-handed, red haired, Continue Reading …
Some days I feel the tears, always there, ready to fall at any moment. Even three years out now from my last loss, I have to fight to keep them from spilling out until I am alone. I go to the bathroom to let the sobs come in privacy. Some Continue Reading …
There seems to be some misunderstanding in the general populace that we, as grieving parents, are only still grieving because of our inability or unwillingness to accept reality. To them, us accepting reality would mean that we would move on from our grief, go back to being the person we Continue Reading …
My heart is just so tired today. I am tired of grieving. I am tired of feeling incomplete. I am tired of aching empty arms. I am tired of feeling inadequate as a woman. I am tired of feeling guilty over the fact that my body betrayed me and allowed Continue Reading …
Infertility is certainly not a laughing matter but sometimes we use humor to deflect our pain and avoid crying. Since it is Infertility Awareness week, let’s see if you might be infertile in Jeff Foxworthy fashion. If you know the meaning of all these acronyms, BFP, BFN, DPO, PCOS, Continue Reading …
“Infertility is the inability to conceive or carry a pregnancy to term after 12 months of trying to conceive” (Resolve.org). But that definition falls short of telling you what it really means to struggle with infertility so, in honor of Infertility Awareness Week (April 24th-30th), let me tell you what Continue Reading …
It really is hard to explain just how hard it is to be a Still Mother. The constant triggers, the insensitivity we are frequently shown, and just how draining it is to constantly walk around every day with our emotional shields up to try to deflect some of the pain Continue Reading …
I have been seeing more memorial posts on Facebook lately inviting loss parents to share their children’s names. While I love that these children are being recognized, I feel a little awkward and almost guilty when I skip over those posts and don’t respond personally. Maybe some of you with Continue Reading …
“There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.” Maya Angelou Last month should have been the 18th birthday for my oldest daughter; a big part of me can’t really believe my first loss was that long ago. How is it possible that she should have been Continue Reading …
There was an interesting question posed recently in the Still Mothers Embracing Life Facebook group. (The private group for Still Mothers who are learning to live without subsequent children after loss). We were discussing how being a Still Mother has changed us and then we were asked “Who are you?” I was Continue Reading …
I feel like I have written variations of these words hundreds of times over the last few years; too many times I have typed them to online friends who have just lost their child in pregnancy or stillbirth. I strive to find the right words to comfort the newly bereaved, Continue Reading …
Think back to the last time you flew in a plane; do you remember the flight attendant giving the safety instructions? One instruction is that if the oxygen masks drop, you need to put your own mask on before helping anyone else. If you don’t save your own life, you Continue Reading …
It’s estimated that as many as one in four pregnancies will end in miscarriage or stillbirth. Somehow with all the medical advances that have been made in the last fifty years, we are still suffering this heartbreaking level of loss. And even worse, the stigma surrounding these deaths is still Continue Reading …
I can’t believe I got rick roll’d today. You would think I would know better by know. And somehow those lyrics got to me. Never gonna give you up. As a loss mother, I have had to give up each of my babies. And now, I have had to give Continue Reading …
I am sitting on my couch looking at what seems like a mess on my ottoman. It isn’t really a mess, exactly. It’s just unfinished. A couple months ago, a dear friend invited me to a very special event for bereaved mothers – we were making memory boxes together. It Continue Reading …
We’ve all heard those stupid platitudes: Just keep trying, It’ll happen when the time is right, Your time will come Keep your chin up (what does my posture have to do with anything?) God just needed another angel (then why did he make a baby instead of an angel?) Miracles Continue Reading …
So “it” happened again. I hate how often this happens, an acquaintance using the dreaded “how many kids do you have” question as an icebreaker. This question appears innocent to many but to those of us who have dealt with infertility and/or pregnancy loss it is pure evil. As an Continue Reading …
By the time I left work on Thursday my head was hurting and I was in no mood to cook. So my husband and I headed over to our favorite pizza buffet; I just wanted to eat and go home in peace. We got in line, then I saw her Continue Reading …
Disney lied. Hollywood lied. For some of us, even our churches lied to us. Part of learning to live a childless life, for me, is wrestling with the idea that some fundamental truths I absorbed as a child were simply lies. There simply isn’t always a happily ever after or Continue Reading …
Mother’s Day. Just those two words are enough to make me feel like I have been kicked in the gut. All the sappy commercials reminding me of all the special parent-child moments that I will never have. All the vomit-inducing over-the-top cards that are shoved in your face and made Continue Reading …
