Dear Alyssa, The other day I went to the support group and I saw a little red robin playing in the sprinkler. Was that you? I felt that you were following me and giving me a sign. I never really see signs here at home outside, but whenever I go Continue Reading …
If you’ve ever had a miscarriage, stillbirth, infant loss or experienced the death of a young child you know that there is one question that you will inevitably be asked: “Will you try again?”. I believe this question is asked because that is the nature of humanity. We try to Continue Reading …
Stillness. I never realized there would be so much stillness. My husband and I were always introverts but this was a far different atmosphere than we were used to. After years of trying-and failing-to have a family we were tens of thousands of dollars in debt and surrounded by stillness. Continue Reading …
I’ve been pretty quiet lately. I keep sitting down to write and coming up blank on what to write about – and to be honest, feeling a little guilty. Why guilty? Because, overall, things are going well. I feel pretty good most days. Happy. Purposeful. Challenged by new experiences. Grateful Continue Reading …
Dear God, You and I — we’re not on the best of terms right now. Our relationship is not over. I am just finding it really hard to talk to you. Is it because I’m angry with you? Maybe. Is it because I no longer trust you? Quite possibly. Is Continue Reading …
Grief is usually described in two ways: a crazy line graph or the waves of an ocean. At first I tended to relate more to the scribbled mess of the the graph. It was black and white, had the path going everywhere, and there was always an endpoint. I used Continue Reading …
NPR recently aired a segment about the lifestyle choices that increase humans’ life expectancy. The biggest factor was the quality of a person’s relationships and how connected they felt to others. When my son died the connections I had in my life were no longer enough. I found myself constantly Continue Reading …
First published on my blog. *Editor’s Note: Living child mentioned and shown (a family friend). I kept her alive. Of course it took the both of us to make her, that afternoon in his small student room, and from that moment he was always there, and he always loved her. Continue Reading …
Dear Mr. asking-too-many-personal-questions cab driver, Thank you for asking if I have kids, and then, upon hearing my reply, giving me unsolicited advice. No, I assure you, I really won’t be having a living baby. Despite whatever good intentions you have, whatever whackadoodle specialist’s number you are pressuring upon me Continue Reading …
Today I would like to discuss some questions with you. Questions whose answers may seem evident to others, but are not easy for me. Time and time again I come across them from well-meaning others, and face the difficulties they involve. By now I have learnt to speak about my Continue Reading …
As Still Mothers, we never know when grief will come knocking and demand our attention. It’s usually not expected Usually not invited Usually not a good time. Yet, when grief shows up, acknowledging it is a way of honoring our children. So, we give it a moment. To resonate in Continue Reading …
Several times a day I run my fingers over the ink in the crook of my arm. Shortly after my twins were born too young to survive in the world, I took the footprints from the hospital and had them tattooed on my arm. Their feet would’ve rested here when Continue Reading …
