My heart is just so tired today. I am tired of grieving. I am tired of feeling incomplete. I am tired of aching empty arms. I am tired of feeling inadequate as a woman. I am tired of feeling guilty over the fact that my body betrayed me and allowed Continue Reading …
It’s been six years. Six, long years without you, this week. How is it possible to live without your physical presence in my life? You are there in each and every moment, but I miss you. So very much. This last one has been a hard month, I have been Continue Reading …
“The heart isn’t beating.” I said it to the doctor, sure. I wasn’t asking a question, but I wanted to be. “I haven’t gotten there yet,” he said back to me. He was measuring the head. He was checking out the placenta. When I said it he immediately shifted his Continue Reading …
“Do you have children?” I never knew that would be such a difficult question to answer. It seems pretty basic, you have them or you don’t, right? Except, as it turns out, it’s a very complicated question. I have a son, but I don’t have him here. A little of Continue Reading …
Sitting over tea in a dimly lit coffee shop she asks, “How often do you think of them?” I shift my eyes to notice how many moms and babies are in the bustling shop. “Every day,” I respond. “How?” she asks. “I wonder how different our lives would be. I Continue Reading …
*Editor’s Note: this post was originally published on Chloë’s blog. When I lived in cancer world, everyone was praising my strength. I was standing tall as a mountain, walking with giant stride, carrying my baby in my arms. I didn’t flicker ; I rarely cried. When asked how I was holding Continue Reading …
There is a trending tag in social media right now, #thisismotherhood. This tag is usually accompanied by photos of mothers with their children, and statuses describing one or many of the difficulties that comes with being a mother. While I think this is a great movement, I can’t help but Continue Reading …
Today I have been to a birthday party. My goddaughter’s birthday, who turns 6 tomorrow. This is a date I have dreaded for 5 years now. When she was born I had had no idea yet about my pregnancy. She is approximately 7 months older than my son would be, Continue Reading …
One year ago, on May 10th, Still Mother’s went live. Our vision for a place to support all loss mothers with no living children came into being. Many months of hard work – writing, planning, creating, and designing – all came together in a lovely way, and we began on a Continue Reading …
This week between International Bereaved Mother’s Day and the traditional Mother’s Day has been an emotionally draining roller coaster ride for me as a Still Mother. My world changed three years ago when I lost my own mother, and I never thought that Mother’s Day would feel the same again, Continue Reading …
You know who she is: the Still Mother in your life. She is a mother – she carried life inside her body, she birthed her child into the world – but her precious child died, and she has no child to raise. Her heart is bursting with love, but there Continue Reading …
Dear Doctors, Nurses, and Health Professionals, First of all thank you for all that you do. The love and care that you so tirelessly put into taking care of our babies and trying to save them does not go unnoticed. You are incredible human beings who sacrifice your own families, Continue Reading …
Walking through the stores lately, everything is all about Mother’s Day. It’s like a punch in the stomach when your child is dead. Does anyone remember that I am a mother too? My son doesn’t walk this earth with me, but I am still a mother…..right? Yes, I am. We Continue Reading …
It has been seven years since I became a mother, and I have done every kind of Mothers day. From the devastated, to denying the day exists, to the keeping it together for the other moms around me, back to denial, and everything in between. This year is different – I Continue Reading …
It’s coming…I can feel it. (Insert the threatening music here). I know it’s coming, I don’t need to look at the calendar for confirmation. My moods are all over the map, I’m sensitive and feeling things deeply. I swear, the woman at the bank with a stroller – she smirked Continue Reading …
