Hobbies That Turn On Us

Losing our babies changes everything in life for us.  We lose not just our babies, but the future we had envisioned with them. We lose our sense of identity as a parent, and so much more. Some of these changes, called secondary losses, are just so unexpected, though, like when Continue Reading …

The Path Not Chosen

Growing up, I assumed that parenthood was a given; you grew up, got married and had kids. The college you went to, the job you had, the person you married, those were all choices but becoming a parent was an automatic part of life.  Ah, the innocence of childhood. Life Continue Reading …

One Day, It Will Feel Safe To Begin To Peek Out & Explore

Sometimes, I find myself reading posts from Moms that are at the very beginning of their loss journey and my heart aches for them. The pangs of deepest agony that ring throughout their words can easily bring me back to those very moments myself. I wish there were magic words Continue Reading …

Holiday Cheer, Not So Much

Happy Holidays! Such a simple wish, seemingly full of joy and comfort. Yet, for those who are missing a baby or child during this season, it is full of many things but often neither joy nor comfort. I remember many years, at the beginning of this journey, when the holiday Continue Reading …

An “Un” Topic of Conversation

By Crystal Barber As you grow up, there are always topics of conversation that seem to take place with every new person you meet. It starts in childhood: “What’s your name?”, “How old are you?”…and so on. Once school age you are asked about your interests; such as, favorite color, Continue Reading …

Single Mom of Angel ISO Place to Belong

So, here we are again, approaching Mother’s Day as we do every year. Until I lost Kendall 20 years ago, I had no idea there were people who hated this day. I loved having a special day to celebrate my Mom and my Gramma. I was blessed in that way, Continue Reading …

Therapeutic Endeavors III: The Letter

If you did not read my previous posts, Therapeutic Endeavors part I &  part II,  I’ll catch you up. Basically; I had a crappy therapist, became a therapist and then had a much better therapist. He suggested I write a letter to my son telling him all the things I Continue Reading …

Dating After Loss

2016 was the year of loss for me. After losing my daughter, I also faced the loss of my relationship with her father.  All of that on its own was extremely tough to work through, but then I faced something incredibly confusing and daunting– dating.  Except, this wasn’t only dating- Continue Reading …

Representing Still Parents

A non-profit organization that I work with held their 7th annual Footprints On Our Hearts Walk To Remember the weekend of Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. My husband and I had never attended a walk for our son before. It was an extremely emotional but comforting experience for us. Continue Reading …

When you Feel “Less-Than”

There are many struggles that arise from being a still mother, this is no secret. But besides the guilt, the longing, the emptiness and the feelings of “what if”, I frequently face the struggle of feeling like a “less-than” mom. What exactly is a “less-than” mom, most would ask. Well, Continue Reading …

Don’t Take Away Our Parenthood

Here I sit, reflecting on this day last month; another Independence Day come and gone. The 4th of July was very surreal for us last year. Elijah had been laid to rest on June 30th. Just days later, we found ourselves sitting in a park that coincidentally overlooks the same Continue Reading …

Mothering Jensen – The Mothering Project

Recently, I was asked what makes me, me. Who am I? I am a daughter. I am a sister. I am a cousin and a niece. I am a lifelong learner. I am a college graduate. I am a homeowner. I am substitute teacher. I am a role model. I Continue Reading …

Still Mothering

A few weeks ago, I shared this post about the project I’d envisioned for honoring our motherhood as loss mamas. You see, this time of year is really hard for mothers like us. Mothers who hold our precious children in our hearts, instead of our arms. All the talk about “Mother’s Continue Reading …

The Mothering Project

You know, a lot of times loss mothers feel excluded from the world of motherhood because our mothering looks different than “traditional” mothering. I know I struggle with this, and many other Still Mothers do, as well. It’s hard to feel like a mother when your child is missing from Continue Reading …

Why I Shared my Son’s Picture

I hesitantly clicked the send button. I had just posted my first full picture of my son. Most new parents are excited to post a picture of their sleeping newborn, nestled in a cocoon of blankets. The image is often greeted with comments of, “Congratulations!” or “He’s so adorable. He’s got your eyes.” I knew that such Continue Reading …

Grieving as a Still Mother – It’s Not the Same

We’ve all had that moment; you tell someone that you don’t have living children and you hear “I completely understand, we lost our first one, too”. You feel an instant connection — finally, someone else who gets it! — but then they tell you how they have had more kids, Continue Reading …

Dear Me, I Have So Much To Tell You

There’s something that happens to a person when they survive trauma. For me, it was like someone snapped my neck and now I’m a quadriplegic. Suddenly I had an entire new perspective on the world I never asked for. It became even darker than before. Losing my daughter was, unfortunately, Continue Reading …

Maybe

Maybe you wanted a perfectly natural water birth with limited pain medication, and instead you had to face the disappointment of having medical intervention and giving birth in a bed…Please take a moment to imagine the extent of the disappointment of saying goodbye to all your hopes and dreams for Continue Reading …

Actively Mothering

I'm Guilty

A fellow still mother recently shared on our support group about an hurtful exchange that took place at the school she works at. As the staff was discussing children’s activities for this past Mother’s Day, one of her coworker assessed that only “actively mothering” women should be celebrated on Mother’s Day. In this Continue Reading …

This is Motherhood, Too

True to You

There is a trending tag in social media right now, #thisismotherhood. This tag is usually accompanied by photos of mothers with their children, and statuses describing one or many of the difficulties that comes with being a mother. While I think this is a great movement, I can’t help but Continue Reading …

Thoughts on One Year of Still Mothers

lisa-mothersdaypost

One year ago, on May 10th, Still Mother’s went live. Our vision for a place to support all loss mothers with no living children came into being. Many months of hard work – writing, planning, creating, and designing – all came together in a lovely way, and we began on a Continue Reading …

Just a Day About Love

It’s coming…I can feel it. (Insert the threatening music here). I know it’s coming, I don’t need to look at the calendar for confirmation. My moods are all over the map, I’m sensitive and feeling things deeply. I swear, the woman at the bank with a stroller – she smirked Continue Reading …

The Birthday That I Want – Finley’s Birthday Post

sad birthday balloons

I am sad today. It’s my son Finley’s fourth birthday today, and he’s not here to celebrate. He’s not here to enjoy a birthday party. I don’t want fake Facebook birthday parties every year that celebrate a little boy who isn’t here, but is loved by so many. I want Continue Reading …

Tips for Dating a Still Mother

red flowers, grand canyon

The moment Addison’s father and I decided to go our different ways I realized how hard meeting someone else was going to really be. Dating is hard to begin with but here I am, forever attached to my ex, always talking about my baby, which is his baby too. It takes Continue Reading …

A Still Mothers Valentine’s Day

Today we celebrate the love we hold in our hearts for our precious children. A love that’s stronger than death; a love that never ends. On behalf of all of us here at Still Mothers, we wish you a gentle day filled with love and memories of the sweet little Continue Reading …

Colors of My Heart

I have been seeing more memorial posts on Facebook lately inviting loss parents to share their children’s names.  While I love that these children are being recognized, I feel a little awkward and almost guilty when I skip over those posts and don’t respond personally. Maybe some of you with Continue Reading …

Reclaiming New Year’s Without My Babies

New Year’s is one of my favorite holidays. I love the sense of a fresh start, the chance to review the good and the bad of the previous year and consider what I want to create in the next year. Even though I know it’s an arbitrary date on a Continue Reading …

There is Comfort to be Found in Things

alex-mothersdaypost

There is comfort to be found in things, when memories are so volatile, fleeting, unattainable. My daughter lived for eleven months, yet it sometimes feels like a dream, and left me wondering whether it really happened. I can’t remember her unique smell, the facial expressions that were hers only, the Continue Reading …