Giving Her Life Purpose

There are many things I struggled with after losing my daughter and in all honesty, every day still brings its own struggles.  While I feel as though I’m through the storm, the battle is not over.  The battle will never truly be over and I’m okay with that because moving Continue Reading …

Representing Still Parents

A non-profit organization that I work with held their 7th annual Footprints On Our Hearts Walk To Remember the weekend of Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. My husband and I had never attended a walk for our son before. It was an extremely emotional but comforting experience for us. Continue Reading …

The Absence of Bitterness

I recently got home from a long weekend away at Faith’s Lodge.  I had expected that a weekend away with my husband in a beautiful, peaceful environment would be a fulfilling experience for us, but I didn’t anticipate that it would be as meaningful as it ended up being. On Continue Reading …

My Love/Hate Relationship with Facebook

Grieving and Facebook. I have so many mixed feelings about social media, especially now, nearly two years since my son’s departure from this world. On one hand, I love Facebook and its ability to quickly connect people across the world. In those early days of my grieving process, I would Continue Reading …

Grieving Together, Separately

You hear many things about grief – “it comes and goes in waves”, “there’s no wrong way to grieve” and “everyone grieves differently”. In my experience, these are all true, but the last one was incredibly real after the loss of my daughter. What do you do when you’re not Continue Reading …

Bereaved Mother’s Day: What it Means to Me

I remember my first Mother’s Day; I was pregnant and I had a delicious secret growing inside me. Only a few people knew… but I had that happy, secret smile. I bought myself a foot soak, at a health store, thinking next year would be my first “real” Mother’s Day. Continue Reading …

Why I Shared my Son’s Picture

I hesitantly clicked the send button. I had just posted my first full picture of my son. Most new parents are excited to post a picture of their sleeping newborn, nestled in a cocoon of blankets. The image is often greeted with comments of, “Congratulations!” or “He’s so adorable. He’s got your eyes.” I knew that such Continue Reading …

Dear Me, I Have So Much To Tell You

There’s something that happens to a person when they survive trauma. For me, it was like someone snapped my neck and now I’m a quadriplegic. Suddenly I had an entire new perspective on the world I never asked for. It became even darker than before. Losing my daughter was, unfortunately, Continue Reading …

The Girl With The Camera

There’s something special about taking someone’s photo. In some cultures, it’s so intimate they think the camera steals your soul. My goal as a photographer has always been to capture the sparkle in someone’s eyes, the laughter behind their grin. My best work used to be from chasing people and Continue Reading …

Protecting My Heart on Father’s Day

When we lost Thomas, I knew we had suffered an enormous loss.  A loss that I cannot adequately describe in the English language.  I didn’t yet know that we would never be the same, that life would never be the same.  Things are forever divided, in my mind and heart, Continue Reading …

Thoughts on One Year of Still Mothers

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One year ago, on May 10th, Still Mother’s went live. Our vision for a place to support all loss mothers with no living children came into being. Many months of hard work – writing, planning, creating, and designing – all came together in a lovely way, and we began on a Continue Reading …

Just a Day About Love

It’s coming…I can feel it. (Insert the threatening music here). I know it’s coming, I don’t need to look at the calendar for confirmation. My moods are all over the map, I’m sensitive and feeling things deeply. I swear, the woman at the bank with a stroller – she smirked Continue Reading …

Complicated Good-byes

Sometimes, three years after losing Thomas, I feel like I’m a walking, talking grief expert.  There are so many things that I don’t understand or know about – math, astronomy, chemistry, physics – all of those subjects I draw a blank. Grief, though…grief is sadly, very much in my wheelhouse. Continue Reading …

Almost a Full Year

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Another day Another week Another month Almost a full year without you Another quiet morning at home Another lunch date for two Another sleepless night Almost a full year of silence Another pregnancy announcement Another baby shower invitation Another birth announcement Almost a full year of constant tears Another abrupt Continue Reading …

Colors of My Heart

I have been seeing more memorial posts on Facebook lately inviting loss parents to share their children’s names.  While I love that these children are being recognized, I feel a little awkward and almost guilty when I skip over those posts and don’t respond personally. Maybe some of you with Continue Reading …

Reclaiming New Year’s Without My Babies

New Year’s is one of my favorite holidays. I love the sense of a fresh start, the chance to review the good and the bad of the previous year and consider what I want to create in the next year. Even though I know it’s an arbitrary date on a Continue Reading …

Redefining Christmas Traditions

This post was written as part of the UPLIFT series, by Carly Marie. Learn more, and get connected. It originally appeared on our sister site, Still Standing Magazine. ________________________________________________________________________________ Growing up, Christmas was a wonderful time. It was twinkling lights, sparkling bulbs, wintery pine, and shiny packages with swirling ribbons. It Continue Reading …

The Decision to Stop Trying

by Louise Botterill Dear Brave Mama, For some of us, chasing the (seemingly never ending) dream of having another baby after loss can be so encompassing that it interferes with the life we already have. We become so caught up in chasing the unattainable that what’s right in front of Continue Reading …

There is Comfort to be Found in Things

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There is comfort to be found in things, when memories are so volatile, fleeting, unattainable. My daughter lived for eleven months, yet it sometimes feels like a dream, and left me wondering whether it really happened. I can’t remember her unique smell, the facial expressions that were hers only, the Continue Reading …