By Amii Whelan
“I think they should let those with children go home early for Christmas, it’s hard for those of us with young kids”, “I’m going to work right up to Christmas this year to let those with kids have time so when I have kids someone can do the same for me”. Just two of the things I’ve heard this week at work about time off at Christmas.
But what about those of us desperately wishing to see the magic of this time of year through their child’s eyes and not having that chance? Do we not deserve a happy Christmas and time off to relax with our loved ones in whatever way we choose?
Our son would be almost three now and marveling at the wonder of Christmas. Instead, it is just us and our beloved dog. We hang ornaments with our son’s name, light candles, and drink a toast to our boy. We buy the dog presents and watch her get excited at the paper. We take time to relax and try to let ourselves be at peace. That relaxation time is sorely needed at this time of year.
Christmas is a time where everything is so focused on children and babies that it can be hard to escape. Everywhere you look is someone telling you about their child or something relating Christmas to children – Santa, nativities, presents, Carol singing, Christmas Eve boxes, matching family pajamas, the elf on the shelf, the bright decorations and even the story of Christmas – the birth of a baby in a manger.
It can be very hard for those of us who have lost our children. So that holiday time off is dearly needed to find our own way through this time of year and to spend how we please. To marvel at the lights if we want. To sing carols in the living room. To decorate the tree and hang the ornaments for our son. To wish upon that shooting star for Santa only knowing all we can do is send our wish to heaven for our son. Or to hole ourselves away and ignore the whole thing. To relate more with the Grinch than the elves at Christmas. Whatever we decide to do we should be allowed the time to do it.
And so dear colleagues just because my child is not alive does not mean it is harder for you to work at this time of year or that I should have to work these last few days instead of you. It is hard to deal with Christmas when you are missing your child. Christmas is supposed to be about peace and love and understanding and we need our time off at Christmas too.
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Amii and her partner live in South Wales, UK, with their Collie dog, Doris. Their first child, Sprog, was miscarried in 2016 and their son, Morgan, was stillborn in 2017. Due to exceptionally large fibroids, they were told any further pregnancies would end the same way and would be too risky to attempt. She is currently learning to live this Still Mothers life and find her path in the world without her children. She works as a software tester but before that studied for a Ph.D. in Soil science.
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