It doesn’t happen very often anymore. That surge of anger and rage that punches through me out of nowhere. That fierce explosion of fury at the utter unfairness of it all. My babies are dead. My babies who shouldn’t be babies anymore. My life, filled with that unspoken, indescribable emptiness that Continue Reading …
Time is my arch nemesis. Time is my finicky friend. Sometimes, I wish I could stop the passing days, temporarily freeze the ticking of the clock. Other days, I wish I could speed up the draining hours, fast forward to a new phase of life. I felt this way even before Continue Reading …
I survived. I survived one whole year without my daughter. 52 weeks. 365 days of emptiness. I feel like I’m out of words. Some days, I believe I’m out of tears. I fought this survival. I fought it tooth and nail. I didn’t want to survive one hour let alone Continue Reading …
I get it. I really do. Working in healthcare has given me a brand new insight to what it’s like to watch people you care for in pain. Suffering, hurting, in gut wrenching agony… and all you want to do is make it stop for them. Hearing the cries and Continue Reading …
Sending all my love to the mother who wakes up with tears in her eyes on Mother’s Day. To the mother who will receive minimal acknowledgment of her motherhood on the very day dedicated to her. Today is a hard day. Sending all my love to the mother who has Continue Reading …
What makes a mother, well, a mother? A mother… Prepares for her child’s arrival. Bonds with her child. Dreams about her child’s future. Hopes to give her child the very best she can. Protects her child. Worries about her child. Speaks her child’s name freely. Tells others about her child. Continue Reading …
Mother’s Day was never mine. Well, except one time. I can remember Mother’s Day when I was younger and how important it was for me to let my mom know how much I appreciated her. She was a single mother, the only parent we had left. She sacrificed and did Continue Reading …
Recently, I was asked what makes me, me. Who am I? I am a daughter. I am a sister. I am a cousin and a niece. I am a lifelong learner. I am a college graduate. I am a homeowner. I am substitute teacher. I am a role model. I Continue Reading …
I remember my first Mother’s Day; I was pregnant and I had a delicious secret growing inside me. Only a few people knew… but I had that happy, secret smile. I bought myself a foot soak, at a health store, thinking next year would be my first “real” Mother’s Day. Continue Reading …
A few weeks ago, I shared this post about the project I’d envisioned for honoring our motherhood as loss mamas. You see, this time of year is really hard for mothers like us. Mothers who hold our precious children in our hearts, instead of our arms. All the talk about “Mother’s Continue Reading …
As we approach Mother’s Day, my third as a loss mom, I feel ready, willing and able to tell you a beautiful story that I carry in my heart….A story about a girl named Jimmie. You see, when we found out we were pregnant, my husband Brent and I had Continue Reading …
This is a topic that has come up a couple times both in my therapy sessions and in my loss mom support group. It’s something that I’m guilty of, and I’m sure a lot of us are. It’s this strange need we have as humans to adopt an “it could Continue Reading …
