It’s Not Black or White

Time and time again I hear about expectations regarding grieving parents. We hear about how they “should” or “shouldn’t” act, what they “should” or “shouldn’t” do, what they “should” or “shouldn’t” talk about. One valuable life lesson I’ve learned is that expectations can choke the life out of even the Continue Reading …

What They Don’t Tell You

It’s your first baby so it’s all a bit alien to you. You listen to everyone’s advice and do everything you’re supposed to do: you stop smoking, you stop drinking, you start taking folic-acid. They constantly tell you not to worry and that you’re doing great. You go to classes, Continue Reading …

When you Feel “Less-Than”

There are many struggles that arise from being a still mother, this is no secret. But besides the guilt, the longing, the emptiness and the feelings of “what if”, I frequently face the struggle of feeling like a “less-than” mom. What exactly is a “less-than” mom, most would ask. Well, Continue Reading …

Don’t Take Away Our Parenthood

Here I sit, reflecting on this day last month; another Independence Day come and gone. The 4th of July was very surreal for us last year. Elijah had been laid to rest on June 30th. Just days later, we found ourselves sitting in a park that coincidentally overlooks the same Continue Reading …

I Should Know Them Now

It doesn’t happen very often anymore. That surge of anger and rage that punches through me out of nowhere. That fierce explosion of fury at the utter unfairness of it all. My babies are dead. My babies who shouldn’t be babies anymore. My life, filled with that unspoken, indescribable emptiness that Continue Reading …

Grieving as a Still Mother – It’s Not the Same

We’ve all had that moment; you tell someone that you don’t have living children and you hear “I completely understand, we lost our first one, too”. You feel an instant connection — finally, someone else who gets it! — but then they tell you how they have had more kids, Continue Reading …

Dear Grief Bully

To those who think I don’t still hurt, who feel my time mourning has an expiration date … To those that feel I should be “over it by now,” “moving on,” “writing about happier things,” “feeling better,” “snapping out of it”… To those who don’t understand why I celebrate and Continue Reading …

Christmas, Past and Present

This time last year, I was six months pregnant and celebrating my first Christmas as a Mom. Every ounce of me bubbling over with anticipation at the prospect of all the future family traditions and whimsical Christmas mornings we would experience with our little girl. The holidays had taken on Continue Reading …

Jasper’s Mom and Dad’s 5 Tips For Getting Through The Holiday Season

The Christmas of 2012 was our favorite and happiest Christmas to date. We had learned early in the month that we were finally expecting our first child. I was practically bed ridden with morning sickness and fatigue but I had no worries in the world. The gift theme was pretty Continue Reading …

Dear Friend

Dear Friend, Congratulations. Please understand that I am trying to be happy for you. Please understand that I wish you and your baby nothing but the best. Please know that I love you. But, please also understand that when you just announced your pregnancy, my heart literally hurt. Please know Continue Reading …

Dear Me, I Have So Much To Tell You

There’s something that happens to a person when they survive trauma. For me, it was like someone snapped my neck and now I’m a quadriplegic. Suddenly I had an entire new perspective on the world I never asked for. It became even darker than before. Losing my daughter was, unfortunately, Continue Reading …

Maybe

Maybe you wanted a perfectly natural water birth with limited pain medication, and instead you had to face the disappointment of having medical intervention and giving birth in a bed…Please take a moment to imagine the extent of the disappointment of saying goodbye to all your hopes and dreams for Continue Reading …

A New Schoolbag

This September my 6-year old goddaughter is starting school. She will attend a specific sports program, with training and lots of activities, I believe. Her mother kept me well informed about the preparation process, the selection of the proper school, gathering information, the entrance exam, and, now, the final steps Continue Reading …

Flying After Babyloss: Ten Tips for Surviving the Trauma of Travel

When I worked as a flight attendant I spent many flights doting over baby travelers. I walked them up and down the aisle while they cried, I held them as their mothers fit their seat belts, and I defended them from angry business passengers. I’ll never forget the time when, Continue Reading …

This is Motherhood, Too

True to You

There is a trending tag in social media right now, #thisismotherhood. This tag is usually accompanied by photos of mothers with their children, and statuses describing one or many of the difficulties that comes with being a mother. While I think this is a great movement, I can’t help but Continue Reading …

Thoughts on One Year of Still Mothers

lisa-mothersdaypost

One year ago, on May 10th, Still Mother’s went live. Our vision for a place to support all loss mothers with no living children came into being. Many months of hard work – writing, planning, creating, and designing – all came together in a lovely way, and we began on a Continue Reading …

Dear Healthcare Professionals

Dear Doctors, Nurses, and Health Professionals, First of all thank you for all that you do. The love and care that you so tirelessly put into taking care of our babies and trying to save them does not go unnoticed. You are incredible human beings who sacrifice your own families, Continue Reading …