Sharing My Truth

As a single Mom of an angel son, who also chose not to have other children, many have met me at different stages of my life and do not know about the journey I have with Kendall, nor the love I will always carry for, and with, him. Some of Continue Reading …

Giving Back

There are so many things that losing a baby steals from a Mom. We lose innocence, optimism, fulfilled dreams, hope, maybe faith and some really important relationships. It sucks. It hurts. It feels like it may swallow us whole. But when we are open to it, it can give us Continue Reading …

One Day, It Will Feel Safe To Begin To Peek Out & Explore

Sometimes, I find myself reading posts from Moms that are at the very beginning of their loss journey and my heart aches for them. The pangs of deepest agony that ring throughout their words can easily bring me back to those very moments myself. I wish there were magic words Continue Reading …

Vulnerability & Lack of Protection

Recently, I had a professional experience in which someone intentionally utilized my blogs about Kendall as a way to discredit me. The implication was that because I suffered through losing a baby, particularly without the love and support of his father, I must have a bias toward men. Although some Continue Reading …

Holiday Cheer, Not So Much

Happy Holidays! Such a simple wish, seemingly full of joy and comfort. Yet, for those who are missing a baby or child during this season, it is full of many things but often neither joy nor comfort. I remember many years, at the beginning of this journey, when the holiday Continue Reading …

No Longer Truly Alone

Last month marked what would have been Kendall’s 20th birthday. I spent it alone, as I have almost every other one, yet this time was different. Internally, I have shifted from the place of “these anniversaries are sacred and mine alone” to the space of wanting to have someone, or Continue Reading …

20 Years of Togetherless

October 20th will mark what would have been Kendall’s 20th Birthday. Yet, like every other year, there will be no celebration. There will be moments of reflection and some tears. There will be lingering “if onlys” and “what ifs”. And there will be many moments of loneliness and solitude. Some Continue Reading …

Finding Femininity

I was 28 when I was surprised by the news I was pregnant. I was taken back by the news but I was also excited about being a Mom. Regardless of circumstances this little life growing inside of me was a gift and I was able to commit and become Continue Reading …

Reclaiming Me

Grief waves strike without warning. A beautiful day full of celebration can turn on a dime and the sadness and tears can overwhelm all other emotions. It is a reality one lives with as we walk through the loss of a baby and all of the accompanying hopes and dreams. Continue Reading …

Mosaic

That horrible night in the ER twenty years ago was the loneliest I have ever been. My heart was breaking, part of me wanted it to simply stop beating all together, but although grateful it did not, it was aching with grief. I went to the ER alone, as I Continue Reading …

Not-So-Happy Father’s Day

As the Mom of an angel baby, who at the time of his loss was no longer in a relationship with his father, Father’s Day has never been a day that I enjoy. I am blessed with a wonderful Dad and so I am glad to honor and celebrate with Continue Reading …

Single Mom of Angel ISO Place to Belong

So, here we are again, approaching Mother’s Day as we do every year. Until I lost Kendall 20 years ago, I had no idea there were people who hated this day. I loved having a special day to celebrate my Mom and my Gramma. I was blessed in that way, Continue Reading …

20 Years And Counting

April 14th will mark the 20th loss anniversary of my son Kendall. Twenty years of tears and joys, losses and loves, hopes and dreams shattered and others birthed into fruition. If anyone had dared tell me I would be peaceful with the approaching of this anniversary I would have been Continue Reading …

Meeting My Son

Those of us who have been single as full grown adults know that most in our age range have children, and at this stage of the game, a good portion of my peers have grandchildren. So, there is the inevitable “Do you have kids?” question that comes up almost immediately. Continue Reading …

Knowing It Was Best

When I found out I was pregnant with Kendall, I was no longer in a relationship with his Dad. There were real reasons why the relationship was over, ironically, one of them was he already had children and was not the kind of Dad to them I wanted for my Continue Reading …

No Partner In Grief

It has been 19 years since that awful night in the emergency room when everything changed. Nineteen years since the woman I was shifted into the woman who became “one of those people”. One of those people who bad things happen to and who are involved in the stories that Continue Reading …

Being a Childless Mother

I am sure for many, the idea of being a Childless Mother, is an oxymoron. For, if one does not have a child, she is not a Mother. Prior to 1998, I too, would have thought this way. Yet my life, and that of far too many others, reflect that Continue Reading …

The Gift of Grief

Grief is such an isolating and traumatizing experience, in and of itself, never mind when the source of grief is the loss of a baby. It has been a bit over nineteen years for me and I can recall every single detail from that horrific night in the emergency room. Continue Reading …