Today was All Saints Day at my church. The day is meant to commemorate the souls of our dearly departed. We were asked to recall people who we considered saints in our own lives and how their actions impacted us. We were also encouraged to think of our own legacy Continue Reading …
I recently lost my third child. It was another miscarriage. It happened only days after I saw the positive lines on the pregnancy test. I woke up one morning and started bleeding. I spent a day in the emergency room, praying that it wasn’t true, hoping that I wasn’t losing my third Continue Reading …
Grieving and Facebook. I have so many mixed feelings about social media, especially now, nearly two years since my son’s departure from this world. On one hand, I love Facebook and its ability to quickly connect people across the world. In those early days of my grieving process, I would Continue Reading …
A letter to the old, pregnant me from my new grieving, loving, emotional self: Dear Kelly, I know you are consumed with worry right now. You are afraid this pregnancy will turn out like the first when you did not come home carrying a child in your arms. Instead you Continue Reading …
“At least you can get pregnant.” “Everything happens for a reason.” “God has a plan for you.” I have heard these phrases more times than I can count. The words are uttered by well-intentioned people, but pierce my scarred heart as sharp as a knife’s blade every time they are Continue Reading …
Time is my arch nemesis. Time is my finicky friend. Sometimes, I wish I could stop the passing days, temporarily freeze the ticking of the clock. Other days, I wish I could speed up the draining hours, fast forward to a new phase of life. I felt this way even before Continue Reading …
Sending all my love to the mother who wakes up with tears in her eyes on Mother’s Day. To the mother who will receive minimal acknowledgment of her motherhood on the very day dedicated to her. Today is a hard day. Sending all my love to the mother who has Continue Reading …
I hesitantly clicked the send button. I had just posted my first full picture of my son. Most new parents are excited to post a picture of their sleeping newborn, nestled in a cocoon of blankets. The image is often greeted with comments of, “Congratulations!” or “He’s so adorable. He’s got your eyes.” I knew that such Continue Reading …
There are some days when I just feel so trapped. I’m stuck here in this life, not really wanting to live, but unable to find a way out. There are days when I just don’t know how to deal with the pain. I feel like I should be able to Continue Reading …
Dear William, As I write this, I listen to the sound of wind chimes outside my door. I like to believe that your spirit is in the wind, causing the melodic tinkling that bursts forth from the chimes. By rippling through the chimes, you let me know that you are close. As I lay awake Continue Reading …
We dug the cardboard boxes out of their basement hiding places. Your aunt and I started pulling ornaments one by one out of the boxes to hang on our newly erected Christmas tree. “Oh, this is for when we moved into our house,” I recalled, holding up a house key-shaped ornament with Continue Reading …
This time of year has unexpectedly been very hard for me. I never anticipated how much my heart would throb in anticipation of the holiday season. I’m in a much different place this year than I expected to be. Last October, I found out I was pregnant for the second Continue Reading …
Dear Friend, Congratulations. Please understand that I am trying to be happy for you. Please understand that I wish you and your baby nothing but the best. Please know that I love you. But, please also understand that when you just announced your pregnancy, my heart literally hurt. Please know Continue Reading …
The relief. The utter relief of feeling joy. It can happen again. Sure, it was brief. But it was there. For the first time in more than three months, I felt okay. My heart stopped aching temporarily. I felt almost high on joy. It had been so long. Sure, I Continue Reading …
I have always been a person who loves to learn. I was a nerdy child who looked forward to the first day of school with eager anticipation. Although anxious about who was going to be in my classes, I also always looked forward to a year of new experiences and Continue Reading …
