The last two years have been tumultuous, full of change, growth, steps forward, and steps back. A divorce. Two moves. A new home with a fresh start; a place to make my own. And even a glimpse of a future with some happiness, contentment, and maybe even budding romance. I Continue Reading …
We have this image in our heads of the people in our lives. We see what they do for others in times of need. We see how amazing they are and then we expect that image to come true for us when we need them the most. Unfortunately, people rarely Continue Reading …
Those early grief days were some of the hardest days of my life. I say that as a survivor of child abuse. I say that as a suicide survivor. I say that as a survivor of multiple miscarriages. I say that as a mother who gave birth to a perfect Continue Reading …
By Alison Ferrera Bereaved motherhood and a pandemic is complicated and there is much to say, but let me just start by saying COVID-19 sucks. It sucks for everyone. And there are so, so, many specific groups it sucks extra for. And, yes, my mother taught me not to say ‘sucks.’ But this Continue Reading …
By Clare Hedges I woke up this morning with a desire to get some words out of my head and onto paper. It has been a year and three months since our beautiful daughter went to sleep forever. She was seven weeks old, perfect in every single way and everything Continue Reading …
Well, the world has pretty much gone insane and it is my goal to write this post without using the words “unprecedented times”. Because I hear those words so often; I feel like it could be a drinking game and as someone who can’t drink alcohol, I can’t tell you Continue Reading …
By Amii Whelan “I think they should let those with children go home early for Christmas, it’s hard for those of us with young kids”, “I’m going to work right up to Christmas this year to let those with kids have time so when I have kids someone can do Continue Reading …
By Necol Dickson Dear Family, I know that me deciding not to be involved in Christmas this year may come across as seeming rude, inconsiderate and hurtful. I’m writing this letter for you to read at Christmas, so I can give you a bit of an idea of why I Continue Reading …
By Amy Peterson As a popular blogger and fellow loss mom wrote, we live in a pregnancy and baby obsessed society. “Mom culture” has exploded in recent years. Gender reveal parties are now a thing and many are elaborate affairs. Etsy is filled with never-ending onesies that can be personalized Continue Reading …
By Gina Onorevole (Editor’s note: this article does touch on faith, keeping positive, and hopes for future living children; if these are sensitive topics for you, please read with caution.) Since October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month, I chose to be brave and share my story today. Writing Continue Reading …
By Deborah Hansen Ladies, it is time to take back our bodies! I have lived in this body for 47 years. Before seeking medical intervention to have a child, I had very strong opinions regarding what I put in my body, physical activities and how I let others advise me Continue Reading …
By Alison Ferrara *Editor’s Note: This post was originally published on Alison’s blog here. At some point in our lives we will all encounter grief. It may be the loss of someone that affects you for a short time and then you can move forward with life just as you once Continue Reading …
There are so many things that losing a baby steals from a Mom. We lose innocence, optimism, fulfilled dreams, hope, maybe faith and some really important relationships. It sucks. It hurts. It feels like it may swallow us whole. But when we are open to it, it can give us Continue Reading …
Sometimes, I find myself reading posts from Moms that are at the very beginning of their loss journey and my heart aches for them. The pangs of deepest agony that ring throughout their words can easily bring me back to those very moments myself. I wish there were magic words Continue Reading …
Happy Holidays! Such a simple wish, seemingly full of joy and comfort. Yet, for those who are missing a baby or child during this season, it is full of many things but often neither joy nor comfort. I remember many years, at the beginning of this journey, when the holiday Continue Reading …
Last month marked what would have been Kendall’s 20th birthday. I spent it alone, as I have almost every other one, yet this time was different. Internally, I have shifted from the place of “these anniversaries are sacred and mine alone” to the space of wanting to have someone, or Continue Reading …
I thought today would be different. Isn’t that cute? Six years of mourning and I thought it would be different. Six years ago today, we interred Thomas’ ashes; it was a grey, windy, cold day – the day before we observe Remembrance Day, in Canada. I thought it was fitting, Continue Reading …
I was 28 when I was surprised by the news I was pregnant. I was taken back by the news but I was also excited about being a Mom. Regardless of circumstances this little life growing inside of me was a gift and I was able to commit and become Continue Reading …
I went a co-worker’s wedding a few weeks ago. It was more of a work obligation than a social one, but I felt I had to go and, unfortunately, my husband wasn’t able to come with me. The only thing worse than being alone at a wedding, is being a Continue Reading …
I’m approaching my 6th year as a loss mom; which is a bit crazy – it means some how, some way, I have survived the past 6 years, even though Thomas didn’t. I never would have imagined surviving that first hour; let alone 6 years. What I have realized lately, Continue Reading …
By Sue Dagg When I was a little girl, I remember saying to my Mum, “it’s not an excuse, it’s a REASON!” That seemed like an important distinction at the time, a finer point of language for a child. An excuse was either my fault, a weakness, or an effort Continue Reading …
Here comes an understatement: it isn’t easy being a Still Mother. It isn’t easy to walk around with a heart full of love and empty arms. To visit a grave, instead of school recitals. To think of how it “should have/could have been” while living what it actually turned out Continue Reading …
*Editors Note: This post is about the author’s struggle with faith, religion and personal beliefs after loss. If faith is a triggering subject for you, please proceed with caution, or simply skip this post. *** Let me start of by saying that this is not intended to bash or discourage anyone that Continue Reading …
Dear Expectant/Newborn Mother, Let me just say that I am so happy for you. I am so happy that your baby is healthy and that you are okay. It is a relief that you do not know the earth shattering pain that I live with every day. I am elated that Continue Reading …
When you are unwillingly initiated into the baby loss “club,” one of the first things you usually learn is what your personal grief triggers are. I discussed triggers in depth in an earlier post but basically triggers are something that intensifies grief for a period of time. They can be Continue Reading …
I had wonderful Christmas mornings, growing up. My face would light up, as I would peer around the corner and see that stockings had been filled. My sister, who had been awake since 3 a.m. would wake me up – none too gently, at 7 a.m. Wrapping paper would fly, Continue Reading …
I’m a mother. My beautiful baby girl Camila died six months ago and I struggle daily to live without her in my arms. I’m lucky to have my dear husband, who loves me no matter what, and I’m extremely grateful for that. Today I want to write to thank our Continue Reading …
Last Christmas was the first without our sweet boy, and honestly, it was as crappy as I had expected it to be. Between the traditions we had been planning to fulfill with him, the gifts we had planned to buy, and all the Christmas joy we wanted to share with Continue Reading …
I sat down to write this post, and realized that everything I thought I wanted to say wasn’t entirely true today. It might be true tomorrow, it might be true later this afternoon, but right now, none of the things I planned to write are things I’m feeling. Maybe that’s Continue Reading …
2016 was the year of loss for me. After losing my daughter, I also faced the loss of my relationship with her father. All of that on its own was extremely tough to work through, but then I faced something incredibly confusing and daunting– dating. Except, this wasn’t only dating- Continue Reading …
Returning to work – the final stage of acceptance and putting together the last piece of what resembles your normal life before your world broke in half. My daughter passed away when she was 3 months old, half way through my 6-month maternity leave agreement. This was in some sense Continue Reading …
Losing our son was the single worst experience of my entire life. Losing our daughter was a little easier. Miscarrying our third seemed almost routine. They have all been hard, but with each loss, I’ve also lost more and more of my hope and optimism. My motto of “keep moving Continue Reading …
Grieving and Facebook. I have so many mixed feelings about social media, especially now, nearly two years since my son’s departure from this world. On one hand, I love Facebook and its ability to quickly connect people across the world. In those early days of my grieving process, I would Continue Reading …
Losing a baby is one of a few instances one can go through in life that truly draws a trench in their timeline. Life is no longer fluid. It is the before and the after. But the after is not at all what you had in mind and were preparing Continue Reading …
It’s been a rough (almost) 2 years. You have experienced more than many will in their lifetime. While you have suffered great loss, you also know great love. I just wanted to remind you of a few things. The infertility/loss combo is a B! It will make you feel physically Continue Reading …
Unsettled is one word I would use to describe my life post loss. This is not how things are supposed to be for us. I know this. I should not be fighting over stupid things with my husband. I should not be moving every year. I should not have to Continue Reading …
Today, my daughter told me she loves me. She wrapped herself around me and was warm to the touch. I stroked my fingers through the length of her hair. We sat together in silence. Her breath grazing across my face. I closed my eyes and for the first time she Continue Reading …
It’s a question that I ask myself quite a bit. It seems that I have changed so much in such a short span of time. It’s been 5 months since our son, Brady, passed away at 2 weeks old. In some ways, it still feels like it happened yesterday. And Continue Reading …
Losing a baby or being unable to conceive one is traumatic for both mind and body. Most women blame their bodies in some way, because it feels like something that should be within our control. Carrying a baby is natural, right? I mean, it’s arguably what the female body is Continue Reading …
As a still mother for the last almost six months, I have encountered quite a few instances of awkwardness that have taught me I am the only one who can teach the world how to approach me. While awkwardness may not be the correct term to use, there are times Continue Reading …
Recently I went to buy some new plants at the garden centre for our angel – Lily . We’ve brought a ones before many times but these were special ones to go in some new plant pots in the back garden and in my mind I thought ” ooo definitely Continue Reading …
One of the first (and best) pieces of advice I heard after losing my son, Jonah, at 30 weeks, was from another bereaved mother in a Facebook group: she told me to be gentle with myself. Now, I see and hear this advice everywhere, and I even say it to Continue Reading …
Father’s Day is the hardest day of the year for me. Harder than my wife’s expected due dates that pass by with achingly empty arms. Harder than the anniversaries of the long awaited positive pregnancy test. Harder than the anniversary of finally getting to hear a heartbeat. Harder even than Continue Reading …
Nearly three years ago… I can remember the exact moment my wife told me the news I waited my whole life to hear…..I’M GOING TO BE A DAD! This news can bring out a flood of emotions; for me it was nothing but excitement! I was finally going to be Continue Reading …
Perspective is an authentic aspect of our existence. Perspective can be altered by the environment or experiences. We may work to change our perspective if we want to. Regardless, the only true view that we really ever have is our own; no matter how empathetic or sympathetic we try to Continue Reading …
I get it. I really do. Working in healthcare has given me a brand new insight to what it’s like to watch people you care for in pain. Suffering, hurting, in gut wrenching agony… and all you want to do is make it stop for them. Hearing the cries and Continue Reading …
Sending all my love to the mother who wakes up with tears in her eyes on Mother’s Day. To the mother who will receive minimal acknowledgment of her motherhood on the very day dedicated to her. Today is a hard day. Sending all my love to the mother who has Continue Reading …
I hesitantly clicked the send button. I had just posted my first full picture of my son. Most new parents are excited to post a picture of their sleeping newborn, nestled in a cocoon of blankets. The image is often greeted with comments of, “Congratulations!” or “He’s so adorable. He’s got your eyes.” I knew that such Continue Reading …
Recently I was talking with a friend about how things are. Things like routines, habits, hobbies… the things that make us, us. We all have an idea that things will be different for us when we have a child. It’s called a life change for that reason. Often, life changes Continue Reading …
As a mother, I’m constantly putting other people’s needs before mine. If someone needs me to come over and help, I drop whatever I’m doing to make sure they’re all set. When I get a text that a person needs support as I’m crying my eyes out, I dry my Continue Reading …
To those who think I don’t still hurt, who feel my time mourning has an expiration date … To those that feel I should be “over it by now,” “moving on,” “writing about happier things,” “feeling better,” “snapping out of it”… To those who don’t understand why I celebrate and Continue Reading …
I didn’t hold my son. When I found out his heart had stopped beating, I couldn’t think straight. Honestly, I didn’t believe the doctor when he told me. This didn’t happen to people in this century, especially at thirty-eight weeks. We had made it through the safe periods, it couldn’t Continue Reading …
Every year, as a child, I would watch the Rudolph Christmas Special. And every year, the part that really spoke to me was the Island of Misfit Toys. I think most children feel like misfits at times since there is always something different about us (wearing glasses, left-handed, red haired, Continue Reading …
The Christmas of 2012 was our favorite and happiest Christmas to date. We had learned early in the month that we were finally expecting our first child. I was practically bed ridden with morning sickness and fatigue but I had no worries in the world. The gift theme was pretty Continue Reading …
If you’re a loss mom, you’ve most likely heard the words “at least” about the death of your child. I wish it wasn’t so, but people love to try to put a pretty bow on things, even ugly unspeakably horrible things like the death of a child. They say “at Continue Reading …
There’s a widely accepted story about why today is called Black Friday. A hundred or so years ago, bookkeepers would keep track of losses in red ink and profits in black. Throughout most of the year, the books would be filled with red, until the day after Thanksgiving. As people Continue Reading …
No, no, no. I can hear this simple, two lettered word in my mother’s voice just as I did when she first taught me it’s meaning. It had to have been my second word, after dada. Maybe that’s why I learned it so quickly. This simple word was the first Continue Reading …
Beautiful Mother, I see you. I found you in one of those loss groups. I had been trolling the group for a while looking for anyone to whom I could connect. I desperately wanted to talk to another mother that had a similar story to mine. We found each other Continue Reading …
There’s something that happens to a person when they survive trauma. For me, it was like someone snapped my neck and now I’m a quadriplegic. Suddenly I had an entire new perspective on the world I never asked for. It became even darker than before. Losing my daughter was, unfortunately, Continue Reading …
There is enough struggle in grief without having expectations on where you “should be”. The idea we need to be “happier”, “better”, “to move on” or – at times – to be sadder does not support us in our grief, but rather brings up feelings of guilt and shame. You Continue Reading …
Someone recently asked me if there was any one thing, one most important thing, I would ask of people around the death and grief of my daughters’ deaths. I was surprised at how easily my answer came – there are so many things I could say, but this quickly arose Continue Reading …
When I worked as a flight attendant I spent many flights doting over baby travelers. I walked them up and down the aisle while they cried, I held them as their mothers fit their seat belts, and I defended them from angry business passengers. I’ll never forget the time when, Continue Reading …
When we lost Thomas, I knew we had suffered an enormous loss. A loss that I cannot adequately describe in the English language. I didn’t yet know that we would never be the same, that life would never be the same. Things are forever divided, in my mind and heart, Continue Reading …
As I continue on my journey of learning to live my life without my son, a family, and totally alone I have found tremendous comfort in art. I learned basic painting techniques while I attended AAU when I went back for my degree. Little did I know then how helpful Continue Reading …
After Griffin died, I was in a very dark place. I thought there was nothing left in this life, nothing good left for me. Everything felt bleak. In January of last year, I was inspired to start a happiness jar. At the end of each day, I wrote down a Continue Reading …
“There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.” Maya Angelou Last month should have been the 18th birthday for my oldest daughter; a big part of me can’t really believe my first loss was that long ago. How is it possible that she should have been Continue Reading …
by Louise Botterill Dear Brave Mama, For some of us, chasing the (seemingly never ending) dream of having another baby after loss can be so encompassing that it interferes with the life we already have. We become so caught up in chasing the unattainable that what’s right in front of Continue Reading …
Think back to the last time you flew in a plane; do you remember the flight attendant giving the safety instructions? One instruction is that if the oxygen masks drop, you need to put your own mask on before helping anyone else. If you don’t save your own life, you Continue Reading …
It seems awkward to make myself think about pregnancy and infant loss awareness month only because it is something I have been unconsciously doing daily for six years now. Every morning my eyes open and I don’t see my son – I am aware. In the past years I have avoided Continue Reading …
by Lindsay S Looking back over the years, I find there are different aspects surrounding my loss that grab my attention. More recently I see my dog Evelyn in a new light. She’s a sassy little terrier with a heart of gold who at the age of one went through the loss with Continue Reading …
My child died, now what? The first few weeks after my son died, I had absolutely no idea what to do. My whole life was turned upside down. The whole summer that I thought I would be on maternity leave, breastfeeding, taking Micah on walks, going to visit Daddy at Continue Reading …
When you lose your baby, one of the hardest unforeseen difficulties is life after the loss. You know that deep down your life will be different and you know that things will change, but what you don’t think about right away is how it will change your relationships. At least, Continue Reading …
By Lindsay S Each year Spring hits, the blossoms come in, and like clockwork my Pregdar goes into overdrive, and I see pregnant women EVERYWHERE! People start going outside more, Spring turns to Summer, and I start to see babies EVERYWHERE! To add to all the (blatant to me) breeding Continue Reading …
When your only child has passed away, you are left in a state of limbo. You feel suspended between here and there, lost “in between” parenthood and child-loss. Are you still a parent? Of course! Death cannot change that. But the horrible irony of being a parent without a child Continue Reading …
I am sitting on my couch looking at what seems like a mess on my ottoman. It isn’t really a mess, exactly. It’s just unfinished. A couple months ago, a dear friend invited me to a very special event for bereaved mothers – we were making memory boxes together. It Continue Reading …
Let yourself cry. Let it out. Sob until you can’t take it anymore. Allow yourself to break down. Wail. Scream. Punch your pillow. Let it out! This is my advice for you, to help yourself heal. This is one of the things that has helped in my healing. A person who Continue Reading …
One of my biggest obstacles since losing my son a year ago is the feelings of jealousy. I’m jealous of women who are pregnant, because they are excited about the future and have a precious miracle growing inside them. I’m jealous of women who aren’t ready to try for children Continue Reading …
I am guilty. I’m guilty of judging every woman who’s pregnant with ease. I’m guilty of holding my niece and wishing she was mine. I’m guilty of avoiding baby showers and birthday parties. I’m guilty of glaring at swollen bellies with hatred. I’m guilty of staring at babies around her age – Continue Reading …
So “it” happened again. I hate how often this happens, an acquaintance using the dreaded “how many kids do you have” question as an icebreaker. This question appears innocent to many but to those of us who have dealt with infertility and/or pregnancy loss it is pure evil. As an Continue Reading …
When you are a Still Mother, there are many situations and circumstances that are VERY difficult. If you ever feel the need, it is okay to: Unfollow or Hide a fellow baby loss mom when she becomes pregnant or gives birth to her healthy baby. Do various things Continue Reading …
When I found out I was pregnant, it was as if my entire life started to revolve around my son, Micah. I worried about him constantly (even before I knew he was a “him”). When I drove, I thought about Micah. When I sneezed, would it hurt Micah? Every time Continue Reading …
As Still Mothers, RaeAnne and I are painfully aware of how difficult life can be without our beloved children. We know that life feels incredibly empty a lot of the time, and that it is hard to find meaning when our motherhood – a very large part of the identities Continue Reading …
Growing up, it was okay to be childless on Mother’s Day because the focus was on our own mothers. However, once you’ve been pregnant and had a child, Mother’s Day takes on a whole new meaning. What is Mother’s Day like for those of us unfortunate women who have become Continue Reading …
This is my second Mother’s Day with no living children. I’m still learning and adjusting to this unwelcomed reality. But if there’s one thing about Mother’s Day I want you to know, it’s don’t be afraid to truly recognize yourself as a mother and enjoy this day as much as Continue Reading …
Mother’s Day. Just those two words are enough to make me feel like I have been kicked in the gut. All the sappy commercials reminding me of all the special parent-child moments that I will never have. All the vomit-inducing over-the-top cards that are shoved in your face and made Continue Reading …
For couples who have lost a child, holidays can be very difficult. Mother’s Day and Father’s Day can be particular difficult times. It is hard to figure out how to navigate this particular day as nothing is as it was supposed to be. For me as a man, one of Continue Reading …
Ah, Mother’s Day. Hands down my least favorite holiday of the year. Mother’s Day has been an emotional challenge for me for years. Twelve years to be exact; every year since my first daughter was born still. I’ve handled it, and my grief around it, in various ways over the years. Continue Reading …
I have a love hate relationship with Mother’s Day. On one hand, I think it’s a beautiful time to honour my mother, my grandmothers, all of the mothers in my life, and all of the women who are mother figures. But when my son, Finley, died, the meaning of Mother’s Continue Reading …
Well, it’s here: Mothers Day. Honestly, I believe it’s one of the hardest days for a loss mama to bear. It just hurts. Deeply. Everything about it is wrong. On one hand, we are mothers and deserve to have our motherhood honored just as much – actually, I’m just going Continue Reading …
