You would never think they are comparable, but they are. Who has it worse? Everyone loves to play this game. If asked, everyone would say cancer. Before my infertility journey, I would have agreed 100 percent. But now I don’t. I don’t think one is worse. I think they both Continue Reading …
Loss is not a dirty word. To anyone that has never experienced a loss, specifically a child loss, the statement may seem silly. Anyone who hasn’t gone through the intense pain of losing someone so tied to your heart, mind, and soul often dismisses that a majority of the Continue Reading …
What I wish I could tell the non-loss community: My grief overwhelms me. Some days I sit and cry all day. Some days I’m so angry my skin turns red. Some days I feel numb. Some days I pour my grief into writing. Some days, I’m okay. I grieve everything Continue Reading …
I want to live in the before. It’s a land of abundant sunshine and green grass. A place that I once lived and where I only thought I had any “problems”. Really, that place is a but a memory now. One that I sometimes fondly long for. At other times, one that Continue Reading …
My grief is heavy today. There is no one to tell. No one to turn to. I must be resilient and self-reliant. The clock stopped long ago on my grief. No one wants to hear it. It’s old news. Everyone else has moved on. Days like to today mean I Continue Reading …
We have this image in our heads of the people in our lives. We see what they do for others in times of need. We see how amazing they are and then we expect that image to come true for us when we need them the most. Unfortunately, people rarely Continue Reading …
To my friend who asks about my pregnancy. Thank you. Thank you for realising I want to talk about it. Thank you for realising my pregnancy still means something to me. Thank you for allowing me to share my memories. Thank you for asking my advice in relation to your Continue Reading …
By Clare Hedges I was scrolling through my phone at the end of May and saw an advertisement that gave me that sick feeling in the bottom of my stomach. The advertisement was for Father’s day cards. Another brutal reminder that life is not as it should be. In most Continue Reading …
This one is for the fathers of our children. The ones that were there for us through our pregnancies, our tears, our grief, our surgeries. The men that picked us back up when our worlds fell apart. This is for the fathers of our children who far too often go Continue Reading …
Those early grief days were some of the hardest days of my life. I say that as a survivor of child abuse. I say that as a suicide survivor. I say that as a survivor of multiple miscarriages. I say that as a mother who gave birth to a perfect Continue Reading …
By Alison Ferrera Bereaved motherhood and a pandemic is complicated and there is much to say, but let me just start by saying COVID-19 sucks. It sucks for everyone. And there are so, so, many specific groups it sucks extra for. And, yes, my mother taught me not to say ‘sucks.’ But this Continue Reading …
By Clare Hedges I woke up this morning with a desire to get some words out of my head and onto paper. It has been a year and three months since our beautiful daughter went to sleep forever. She was seven weeks old, perfect in every single way and everything Continue Reading …
By Chelsea Roman The days and weeks after the death of my daughter, Athena, I’ve been flooded with “I can’t imagine” and similar comments; they are empty and unhelpful. This is my response to those comments: _______________________________ Editor’s Note: This guest post is by a member of Continue Reading …
By Amii Whelan “I think they should let those with children go home early for Christmas, it’s hard for those of us with young kids”, “I’m going to work right up to Christmas this year to let those with kids have time so when I have kids someone can do Continue Reading …
By Chelsea Roman I don’t want to talk about it. (Yes I do.) I’m doing alright. (I am anything but okay.) What I really mean is I don’t want to talk about it, just to hear empty advice. It might get better but it sure as hell doesn’t get easier. Continue Reading …
By Necol Dickson Dear Family, I know that me deciding not to be involved in Christmas this year may come across as seeming rude, inconsiderate and hurtful. I’m writing this letter for you to read at Christmas, so I can give you a bit of an idea of why I Continue Reading …
By Amy Peterson As a popular blogger and fellow loss mom wrote, we live in a pregnancy and baby obsessed society. “Mom culture” has exploded in recent years. Gender reveal parties are now a thing and many are elaborate affairs. Etsy is filled with never-ending onesies that can be personalized Continue Reading …
By Gina Onorevole (Editor’s note: this article does touch on faith, keeping positive, and hopes for future living children; if these are sensitive topics for you, please read with caution.) Since October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month, I chose to be brave and share my story today. Writing Continue Reading …
By Deborah Hansen In the months, and even years, after the moment those dreaded words were spoken, “I am so sorry, there is no heartbeat”. (And, yes, it took the doctor multiple tries for me to understand my baby was dead.) We wonder, ask and even beg for “normalcy” to Continue Reading …
By Deborah Hansen Ladies, it is time to take back our bodies! I have lived in this body for 47 years. Before seeking medical intervention to have a child, I had very strong opinions regarding what I put in my body, physical activities and how I let others advise me Continue Reading …
By Alison Ferrara *Editor’s Note: This post was originally published on Alison’s blog here. At some point in our lives we will all encounter grief. It may be the loss of someone that affects you for a short time and then you can move forward with life just as you once Continue Reading …
By Antonietta Bocci Grief is often classified as consisting in a variable number of stages, some of which include guilt as a necessary step towards healing and as bound to an endless list of “what if’s;” guilt is a place of blame, where we wonder what our lives would be Continue Reading …
By Amy Peterson Grief is messy. This is a simple truth that much of society still doesn’t want to accept. Some people try to sugarcoat it. This only causes further pain because sugarcoating it implies that there is some “right” or “socially acceptable” way to grieve. You’re supposed to feel Continue Reading …
By Crystal Barber As you grow up, there are always topics of conversation that seem to take place with every new person you meet. It starts in childhood: “What’s your name?”, “How old are you?”…and so on. Once school age you are asked about your interests; such as, favorite color, Continue Reading …
by Antonietta Bocci As a grieving mother of a baby girl born and lost six months ago, I’m in the middle of what they call “the angry stage”. I wake up in the morning and start directing my rage at anybody who’s had the misfortune to cross my path: family Continue Reading …
By Stephanie Martinez No one remembers our babies. At least not until someone in the family gets pregnant. Then its “don’t tell Stephanie” or “How do I tell her without hurting her” or “I don’t want to remind her that she lost a baby. She’s so fragile about the ‘incident’.” Continue Reading …
By Sue Dagg Life isn’t fair. This is a phrase I remember having repeated to me over and over by my mother when I was growing up. It’s actually held me in good stead, preventing me from worrying too much about what I have compared to others; understanding that life Continue Reading …
It’s been a year and a half since my daughter, River, died. December 22nd, 2016, was the day the old me died too. I no longer see the world the same way. I am me and I’ve changed. I’ve learned that the world goes on while our world stops, completely. Continue Reading …
By Alison Ferrera As I write this I am acutely aware, as I always am, of exactly how long I have lived without my daughter. Six months and twenty days as of today. It should be getting better, right? No. As time goes on, I have found that people know Continue Reading …
By Brooke Long Just last weekend, while driving home from seeing my two amazing godchildren, I heard the new song “Life Changes” by Thomas Rhett for the first time. A country girl at heart, I’ve always enjoyed his music… but something about this song struck a chord in me that Continue Reading …
By Sue Dagg We need to talk. No, not you, new Loss Mother and Loss Fathers. You focus on whatever gets you through each moment. I need to talk to the people surrounding you as you navigate your shock and grief. I want to give some advice that could save Continue Reading …
(Editor’s Note: This article does touch on termination for medical reasons and religious talk of seeing your child again; if these are sensitive topics for you, please read with caution) Dear Maya, You don’t know me because we never met, but I know who are; or who you were supposed Continue Reading …
Today is my sweet daughter Celia’s birthday. She would be two years old. I have been struggling with the fact that this anniversary seems to be even more difficult than the 1st. I have been sleeping 12 or more hours a day, binging on sweets, and feeling lonelier than ever. Continue Reading …
By Sue Dagg I have a secret; one that I would actually prefer for others to know. This secret echoes inside my mind every time I meet someone new, or see someone from my distant past. Sometimes the voice in my mind whispers, and other times it bellows. Throughout the Continue Reading …
By Sue Dagg When I was a little girl, I remember saying to my Mum, “it’s not an excuse, it’s a REASON!” That seemed like an important distinction at the time, a finer point of language for a child. An excuse was either my fault, a weakness, or an effort Continue Reading …
{Editor’s Note: This article deals with trying to conceive, infertility and the hope of a living child after loss; if these are sensitive subjects for you, please read with caution.} By Amy Lied In our trials to have a child, we have only experienced loss. Initially, we struggled with unexplained Continue Reading …
by Brittany Sherlock Two years ago my life changed forever. Two years ago my daughter was born sleeping. Two years ago I held my beautiful perfect angel for the first and last time. Two years ago I counted her fingers and toes and snuggled her close to me and breathed Continue Reading …
By Alison Ferrara Dear New Momma, You are about to embark on the scariest, most heartbreaking, most beautiful journey of your life. You think you know this now. You think that when you saw those two lines you knew what to expect. You read the books and know you’ll read Continue Reading …
To My Acquaintances Who Did Not Hear: This is for all of you who see me regularly but are not my friends, to those who knew I was pregnant but have not heard from me or anyone close to me since I disappeared, and to those who know I was Continue Reading …
*Editors Note: This post is about the author’s struggle with faith, religion and personal beliefs after loss. If faith is a triggering subject for you, please proceed with caution, or simply skip this post. *** Let me start of by saying that this is not intended to bash or discourage anyone that Continue Reading …
When you lose a baby no one ever tells you how completely and utterly alone you feel once you come out of hospital. I think this feeling for me was more profound than any other when my little boy died when I was 20 weeks pregnant. I had spent those Continue Reading …
Grief really is like the wave that so many people relate it to. Sometimes you feel as if you’re drowning, sometimes you are just barely treading water enough to breathe, sometimes the tidal wave smashes over your head and you don’t know which way is up or if you’ll survive. Continue Reading …
Dear Expectant/Newborn Mother, Let me just say that I am so happy for you. I am so happy that your baby is healthy and that you are okay. It is a relief that you do not know the earth shattering pain that I live with every day. I am elated that Continue Reading …
At 11.50PM, September 6th 2017, I gave birth to death. My first son was stillborn at 36 week gestation and – as every mother would say – he was by far the most beautiful, perfectly adorable baby I have ever laid eyes on. He had my nose and cute little Continue Reading …
I’m reclaiming my daughter’s birth. When I went into labour at 23+4 weeks, I was scared and sad. I’d been on strict bed rest almost two weeks since my membranes ruptured and we had moved from ‘no hope’ to ‘some hope’ in that time. But in the moment I realised Continue Reading …
When you are unwillingly initiated into the baby loss “club,” one of the first things you usually learn is what your personal grief triggers are. I discussed triggers in depth in an earlier post but basically triggers are something that intensifies grief for a period of time. They can be Continue Reading …
Grieving the loss of your baby is a very, very lonely road. It is long. It is slow. It is isolating. At the beginning you cry endlessly, you are in complete despair. This is what people expect. It makes sense to them. The funeral is the pinnacle of this public expression of grief Continue Reading …
I’m a mother. My beautiful baby girl Camila died six months ago and I struggle daily to live without her in my arms. I’m lucky to have my dear husband, who loves me no matter what, and I’m extremely grateful for that. Today I want to write to thank our Continue Reading …
Do you ever feel frustrated or resentful when you hear people complaining about their kids? Like when your friend vents about how little sleep she’s getting with her newborn waking through the night, or when your sister-in-law gripes to you about her pregnancy symptoms… or your co-worker complains about how Continue Reading …
We, Still Parents, have endured the unthinkable. Literally unthinkable by Nature, by society and by the State (at least in my country). Our bodies are not prepared for our babies to die. Nature didn’t think of that. Our babies die and still our bodies produce milk. Why? Haven’t you, body, Continue Reading …
Losing a baby is one of a few instances one can go through in life that truly draws a trench in their timeline. Life is no longer fluid. It is the before and the after. But the after is not at all what you had in mind and were preparing Continue Reading …
It’s been a rough (almost) 2 years. You have experienced more than many will in their lifetime. While you have suffered great loss, you also know great love. I just wanted to remind you of a few things. The infertility/loss combo is a B! It will make you feel physically Continue Reading …
In case you were wondering, gingerbread cake with spinach tastes good. Of course, you probably weren’t wondering. But last weekend, I went to visit a camp where I used to work. Camp lends itself to absolute silliness, and on this day the prescribed silliness was an activity schedule that said Continue Reading …
Time and time again I hear about expectations regarding grieving parents. We hear about how they “should” or “shouldn’t” act, what they “should” or “shouldn’t” do, what they “should” or “shouldn’t” talk about. One valuable life lesson I’ve learned is that expectations can choke the life out of even the Continue Reading …
It’s your first baby so it’s all a bit alien to you. You listen to everyone’s advice and do everything you’re supposed to do: you stop smoking, you stop drinking, you start taking folic-acid. They constantly tell you not to worry and that you’re doing great. You go to classes, Continue Reading …
As a still mother for the last almost six months, I have encountered quite a few instances of awkwardness that have taught me I am the only one who can teach the world how to approach me. While awkwardness may not be the correct term to use, there are times Continue Reading …
Here I sit, reflecting on this day last month; another Independence Day come and gone. The 4th of July was very surreal for us last year. Elijah had been laid to rest on June 30th. Just days later, we found ourselves sitting in a park that coincidentally overlooks the same Continue Reading …
This wasn’t how it was supposed to be. If someone would have told me to make a list of all of the possible scenarios of how my life would have unfolded, I couldn’t have imagined this in my wildest thoughts. Trying for 10 years to get pregnant. Being told by Continue Reading …
Dear Loss Moms With Living Children, I still have days where I can be very bitter. Today is one of those days. As loss parents, we have the common denominator that is losing a child. Some have lost more than one. Losing a child alone is awful; gut wrenching even. Continue Reading …
I am a HUGE believer in signs. I have also always believed that “everything happens for a reason”… although in Gemma’s case, I still can’t wrap my head around the fact that there was a reason for her passing. True, her passing gave her relief from living in the NICU Continue Reading …
Recently I went to buy some new plants at the garden centre for our angel – Lily . We’ve brought a ones before many times but these were special ones to go in some new plant pots in the back garden and in my mind I thought ” ooo definitely Continue Reading …
My Precious Angel, I have always prided myself on my ability to remember little details, even when in traumatic situations. On Sunday June 12th, 2016, I remember waking up in the hospital that morning so angry, because I wasn’t brought breakfast like I was supposed to have, and I didn’t Continue Reading …
This will not be an easy post for me to write because it will require me to reveal some of my darkest pain. I wanted to write it to help others who are experiencing the same issues. What do you think of when you think of the word trigger? Most Continue Reading …
Father’s Day is the hardest day of the year for me. Harder than my wife’s expected due dates that pass by with achingly empty arms. Harder than the anniversaries of the long awaited positive pregnancy test. Harder than the anniversary of finally getting to hear a heartbeat. Harder even than Continue Reading …
Nearly three years ago… I can remember the exact moment my wife told me the news I waited my whole life to hear…..I’M GOING TO BE A DAD! This news can bring out a flood of emotions; for me it was nothing but excitement! I was finally going to be Continue Reading …
I get it. I really do. Working in healthcare has given me a brand new insight to what it’s like to watch people you care for in pain. Suffering, hurting, in gut wrenching agony… and all you want to do is make it stop for them. Hearing the cries and Continue Reading …
As we approach Mother’s Day, my third as a loss mom, I feel ready, willing and able to tell you a beautiful story that I carry in my heart….A story about a girl named Jimmie. You see, when we found out we were pregnant, my husband Brent and I had Continue Reading …
Let’s talk about sex. Yes, seriously. It’s Infertility Awareness Week and it’s time we brought this subject out into the open. People who have never struggled to conceive often think that trying to conceive should be fun; “just think of all the sex you get to have!” But anyone who Continue Reading …
As a loss mom, unfortunately, there’s not too much that people ask me to share about my daughter. I certainly don’t have as many memories to share as other women whom have living children, but the precious moments I do have will last me a lifetime, and I love to Continue Reading …
I have always avoided amusement parks. All the spinning and rising and falling rides made me anxious just looking at them. I had no desire to get on-board. A few times I allowed myself to be talked into it and every time I regretted it. I hated the anticipation on Continue Reading …
Every year we always say “New Year New Me”. That usually entails working out, setting goals, and dreaming about what this year will bring. But being a loss mom a New Year for me means a whole lot less. It means living another year childless. Living another year wishing I Continue Reading …
Your children make me sad. It’s not your fault. It’s not mine. It’s no one’s, really. It’s just the truth, and, as they say, the truth can hurt. I don’t mean for it to –truly — but the reality is, seeing your child smiling and running and playing and hugging Continue Reading …
It’s taken me awhile to admit it, but I think losing James has made me a better person. I’m not saying I wouldn’t rather have him here. I would gladly give anything to have my son with me again. What I am saying is that since losing him so suddenly Continue Reading …
Editor’s Note: this Guest Post contains the author’s personal opinions about religion. Please read with caution, if this is a triggering subject for you. To my son: I know your dad doesn’t like it when I apologize, but I’m sorry. I’m sorry if I did anything to cause your death. Continue Reading …
I remember hearing stories and rumors of a friend’s friend who lost a baby a few years ago. She was devastated and didn’t know what to do. She was depressed for months and didn’t talk to anyone. On the same note, no one talked to her either because they didn’t Continue Reading …
“New normal” It’s a term that has come up quite often during my pregnancy loss journey. The first time I heard the term used was when I spoke to another pregnancy loss mom who told me life may seem dark now, but I will soon learn to adjust to my Continue Reading …
I remember the day I found out I was pregnant like it was yesterday. I was full of emotions. I was 21, and honestly I didn’t know the first thing about being a mother. I was terrified, nervous, but also blissfully happy and excited. The feelings I experienced when I Continue Reading …
Being a still mother, is being a strange type of lonely. The closest thing I can compare it to is something that most people experienced at least once as a child: That moment when you were small and in a crowded store with your parent, then suddenly something that you Continue Reading …
It’s the most wonderful time of the year…right? Most definitely not. Not when your child has died. Just thinking about Christmas is giving me severe anxiety. Like to the point that I am shaking and sweating and feel like I am going to pass out. Christmas used to be my favorite Continue Reading …
Dear World, Please stop telling me that my baby died for a reason. I know you mean well but there is absolutely no reason that is good enough for my baby not being here. Yes I will learn from this, yes some good will come out of this, but are Continue Reading …
It’s here, again: the red, green, silver and gold. The twinkling lights and distant sound of bells. It’s here. The holidays have once again overtaken the earth. And this year, it all seems so obscurely out of reach. Just beyond the horizon. That thing called “happiness”. The children had their Continue Reading …
I always wonder how other families suffering with a loss cope with the normal day to day activities. I know for me it is a vicious cycle that repeats itself EVERY SINGLE DAY. From the minute I wake up to the minute I fall asleep my days just continue to Continue Reading …
To the nurse that said “Congratulations” I think about you a lot. The story of my daughters life doesn’t start out like a lot of pregnancy stories. It wasn’t one of those sweet times in a couples lives where they decided to have children and within a couple of months Continue Reading …
I wish… …I got to bring my baby home. …that there weren’t so many unanswered questions. …I didn’t know this excruciating suffering. I wish… …I didn’t have to see the sympathetic gazes and hear the unintentionally painful platitudes. …I didn’t have to pretend to be “okay.” …I had my confidence Continue Reading …
The due date: At one time, it was considered a much anticipated day of new life. That is how it was supposed to be, but it’s not how it is for everyone. Instead, it has become a day of lament because my daughter was born still at 23 weeks. If Continue Reading …
Time heals all wounds, they say. But I’m learning that isn’t always the case. Grief happens and sometimes our hearts will never completely mend. The loss of my perfect angel hurts more than I could have ever imagined. No, I was not “that far” along in my pregnancy. I thought Continue Reading …
I see her. The one walking down the isle at the grocery store. The girl who looks to be about my age. She’s the one with a shopping cart full of brightly colored packages of party plates and decorations, diapers and wipes for days, a single helium balloon hovers over her Continue Reading …
Beautiful Mother, I see you. I found you in one of those loss groups. I had been trolling the group for a while looking for anyone to whom I could connect. I desperately wanted to talk to another mother that had a similar story to mine. We found each other Continue Reading …
Maybe you wanted a perfectly natural water birth with limited pain medication, and instead you had to face the disappointment of having medical intervention and giving birth in a bed…Please take a moment to imagine the extent of the disappointment of saying goodbye to all your hopes and dreams for Continue Reading …
There is enough struggle in grief without having expectations on where you “should be”. The idea we need to be “happier”, “better”, “to move on” or – at times – to be sadder does not support us in our grief, but rather brings up feelings of guilt and shame. You Continue Reading …
There’s a cedar hope chest sitting in our bedroom. It’s placed safely at the foot of the bed. A stranger walking by could cast it off merely as a decorative note in our home. They might take notice how carefully crafted it is, simple and elegant in its design, or Continue Reading …
In the wee small hours of the morning, if you listen closely, you can hear it. Silence. Silence, when there should be a baby crying for a 2 am feeding. Silence, when my husband and I should be debating whose turn it is to get up. Silence, when I should hear sweet Continue Reading …
Recently, my husband’s cousin asked him what it was like for us the day Alyssa died – to hold her and see her. She had seen pictures and said she was beautiful. I couldn’t agree more! But I wish I had been there to answer the question, to talk about Continue Reading …
When you have a baby that doesn’t come home from the hospital you end up with a lot of unneeded stuff. Depending on the scenario, you may have had a nursery all prepped and ready. You likely stocked up on the necessities and received generous gifts from your family and Continue Reading …
*Editor’s Note: This post was submitted to us as a guest post. We agree with much of what is said, especially about the idea of protecting the hearts of those hurting the most. We realize this may be a controversial subject, but we proudly share ideas that need to be Continue Reading …
“At least you can get pregnant.” The words were said to me on the very day that I lost my son, William. I was still in the hospital, looking out the window at the bleak, dreary world that became ever so much colder that day. I know that the statement Continue Reading …
“How are you doing?” The question is usually asked casually. The ones who really mean it say, “No, really, how are you doing?” My response has become, “Not bad.” It’s never “good” anymore. Because I’m not good. I’m not sure I will ever be good. But I’m also not bad. Continue Reading …
Dear Friend, I bet you probably think of me now as the “crazy person” who lost her baby. You know, waking up every day to the fact that my child is dead actually does make makes me feel crazy, but really, it’s just normal grief. I know you can’t understand, but Continue Reading …
Editor’s Note: This post references the idea of wanting another child after loss. Please read with caution, if this is a triggering subject for you. “To not be in the story of how it should have been but to live in deep acceptance of how it is. The only time Continue Reading …
When I worked as a flight attendant I spent many flights doting over baby travelers. I walked them up and down the aisle while they cried, I held them as their mothers fit their seat belts, and I defended them from angry business passengers. I’ll never forget the time when, Continue Reading …
