One year ago, on May 10th, Still Mother’s went live. Our vision for a place to support all loss mothers with no living children came into being. Many months of hard work – writing, planning, creating, and designing – all came together in a lovely way, and we began on a Continue Reading …
This week between International Bereaved Mother’s Day and the traditional Mother’s Day has been an emotionally draining roller coaster ride for me as a Still Mother. My world changed three years ago when I lost my own mother, and I never thought that Mother’s Day would feel the same again, Continue Reading …
You know who she is: the Still Mother in your life. She is a mother – she carried life inside her body, she birthed her child into the world – but her precious child died, and she has no child to raise. Her heart is bursting with love, but there Continue Reading …
Dear Doctors, Nurses, and Health Professionals, First of all thank you for all that you do. The love and care that you so tirelessly put into taking care of our babies and trying to save them does not go unnoticed. You are incredible human beings who sacrifice your own families, Continue Reading …
Walking through the stores lately, everything is all about Mother’s Day. It’s like a punch in the stomach when your child is dead. Does anyone remember that I am a mother too? My son doesn’t walk this earth with me, but I am still a mother…..right? Yes, I am. We Continue Reading …
It has been seven years since I became a mother, and I have done every kind of Mothers day. From the devastated, to denying the day exists, to the keeping it together for the other moms around me, back to denial, and everything in between. This year is different – I Continue Reading …
It’s coming…I can feel it. (Insert the threatening music here). I know it’s coming, I don’t need to look at the calendar for confirmation. My moods are all over the map, I’m sensitive and feeling things deeply. I swear, the woman at the bank with a stroller – she smirked Continue Reading …
Often, especially in the Baby Loss community, someone will mention a living child and say the phrase “my reason for going on”. Now, logically – key word is logically – I’m aware there is no hurt or slight intended to me, as a Still Mother: A woman who does not Continue Reading …
My dear sweet Samuel, Tomorrow is your birthday. Four years since we said hello and goodbye. Four years since our world lost its light. Four years is too long. Four years is more than I thought I would make it without you. Four years passed by in a lifetime and Continue Reading …
You are a mother, now and always. You did not cause this. You are an amazing mother who did the very best she could. This is not your fault. You are not alone. You are allowed to grieve. As much, as long, and however you need to – you are Continue Reading …
One year ago, I had my first real out-of-body experience. It happened the moment I found out my baby’s heart had stopped beating. The beautiful sound that mimicked galloping horses – the one I never feared would go away because I was naive – disappeared. My baby, who was so full of Continue Reading …
The daffodils bloom a few weeks before your birthday. When I see them it reminds me the end of March is coming. I give myself your day to let whatever may be – be. Sometimes I feel brave enough to weather my deeper feelings and think of who you Continue Reading …
I am sad today. It’s my son Finley’s fourth birthday today, and he’s not here to celebrate. He’s not here to enjoy a birthday party. I don’t want fake Facebook birthday parties every year that celebrate a little boy who isn’t here, but is loved by so many. I want Continue Reading …
It’s hard, I imagine, to really understand the pain and longings of an invisible mother – a mother without any living children. To understand the unbelievable ache to hold the child you love with every beat of your heart. The idea of having one’s only or all their children die Continue Reading …
It really is hard to explain just how hard it is to be a Still Mother. The constant triggers, the insensitivity we are frequently shown, and just how draining it is to constantly walk around every day with our emotional shields up to try to deflect some of the pain Continue Reading …
The moment Addison’s father and I decided to go our different ways I realized how hard meeting someone else was going to really be. Dating is hard to begin with but here I am, forever attached to my ex, always talking about my baby, which is his baby too. It takes Continue Reading …
Another day Another week Another month Almost a full year without you Another quiet morning at home Another lunch date for two Another sleepless night Almost a full year of silence Another pregnancy announcement Another baby shower invitation Another birth announcement Almost a full year of constant tears Another abrupt Continue Reading …
As I look out the window to a sea of white, I see a tiny blue bird hopping across the snow covered ground. He barely even lands, never in one place for more than a second. From a distance, the snow appears untouched, still perfectly in place. But as I Continue Reading …
Being at work can be a challenge as a Still Mother. I manage a small sports therapy clinic, and overseeing the ins and outs keeps me pretty occupied. Most days I can just worry about regular office stuff, but occasionally some personal trials come up within my workday, one of which still throw Continue Reading …
They turned up the lights after one song. We usually sing four amazing rock-band-like songs which is one of the many reasons I love our church. Then I remembered seeing the reserved seats walking in, “Reserved for families of children dedication”. Shit. Oh, shit. Today is the children’s dedication at Continue Reading …
Today we celebrate the love we hold in our hearts for our precious children. A love that’s stronger than death; a love that never ends. On behalf of all of us here at Still Mothers, we wish you a gentle day filled with love and memories of the sweet little Continue Reading …
*Editor’s Note: This post was originally published on Chloë’s blog, here. “It is better to light a candle, than to curse the darkness.” I started to blog for two reasons : first, because I thought the love I shared with my daughter was a story worth telling. Second, because I was living in an oncology Continue Reading …
I am a mother who lives without her children here to hold. I am a mother who grieves her children and will long for them until the day I leave this earth. 1. I can experience grief and joy, pain and love – often at the same time What I Continue Reading …
The first trip my husband and I took after Thomas died, I was very excited about. It had been a horrible 6 months of grief, sickness, recovery and the emotional roller coaster that goes along with the first year, after a loss. I packed my bag, looking forward to four days Continue Reading …
I have been seeing more memorial posts on Facebook lately inviting loss parents to share their children’s names. While I love that these children are being recognized, I feel a little awkward and almost guilty when I skip over those posts and don’t respond personally. Maybe some of you with Continue Reading …
by Shannon Shpak I dreamed of you last night. The sunlight streamed down on your face, your arms held wide and your head thrown back in abandon. I could hear your laugh again and I felt the touch of your hands patting my face as they always did. It felt like Continue Reading …
It took me quite a while to find a proper topic for this post. With the Christmas season just ending and the emotional stress it brought, nothing seemed appropriate enough. Because what else can be said? I’m pretty sure there have been moments for each of us that we can Continue Reading …
To say 2015 was a difficult year is an understatement. I went from feeling like I was on top of the world, to drowning in an ocean full of sorrow, anger, and confusion. And tears. Lots and lots of tears. I started 2015 as an expectant mother. I was seven Continue Reading …
I must admit, I have never been a great fan of New Year’s Eve. Even as a child I would hide somewhere so that those last moments of the old one would pass without me. I hated the opening noises of the champagne bottle and even the fact that I Continue Reading …
I know who I was then, and I remember who I wanted to become. We would have children; one for sure, and maybe more. We would be a family, make family memories and share what we knew, make sure our children felt loved. All that was before. Before the crisis, the Continue Reading …
So guys, we survived! We survived another Christmas without our precious children. I bet no one congratulated you, so let me do it : Great job, you! I don’t care if you stayed home and cried the whole day, I’m still proud of you. Because I know how hard it was. I Continue Reading …
Christmas has always been a special period of time in my life. As a child I could not get bored with the magical atmosphere, the wonder that it is, and being happy about the presents. As I grew older, I would discover the real magic of Nativity, the wonder what Continue Reading …
This is our fourth Christmas since Samuel’s life began, and third since it ended. In many ways, it’s easier than previous years. But that’s mostly because we’ve completely reconstructed how we participate in the holiday. Instead of big holiday gatherings – with lots of people, gifts, music, and festivities – Continue Reading …
This post was written as part of the UPLIFT series, by Carly Marie. Learn more, and get connected. It originally appeared on our sister site, Still Standing Magazine. ________________________________________________________________________________ Growing up, Christmas was a wonderful time. It was twinkling lights, sparkling bulbs, wintery pine, and shiny packages with swirling ribbons. It Continue Reading …
Before loading the car with the Ina Garten potatoes and the mini-ham sandwich appetizers, I found myself in tears in the bathroom. Preparing to leave for our dear friends’ home for Christmas, I just didn’t want to go. Didn’t have the energy to flat iron the hair and find an outfit, especially one Continue Reading …
*Original version published here. What do people really mean when they say, You are so strong? You are so brave? They mean: You are different than most. Different than them. They say maybe you are somehow better equipped to deal with this tragedy. (Perhaps it’s no coincidence it happened to your family). Continue Reading …
There was an interesting question posed recently in the Still Mothers Embracing Life Facebook group. (The private group for Still Mothers who are learning to live without subsequent children after loss). We were discussing how being a Still Mother has changed us and then we were asked “Who are you?” I was Continue Reading …
The holidays are never easy for those of us who are survivors of infertility, pregnancy loss or infant loss. For me, it is in the endless wonder… What toys would they have loved playing with this year? What would our holiday card have looked like? What would it have been Continue Reading …
There isn’t a minute that goes by without missing my daughter. She is constantly on my mind and I wish she were here, every second of every day. But I have found there are certain moments, memories, that cause me to miss her even more than usual… When I Continue Reading …
Dear Cyrus, Today marks 2 years since I’ve seen your sweet face. Two years that we’ve been separated by time and space. To say that I miss you is understatement. You are missing from me. And yet somehow you are a part of me. You are in every breath I Continue Reading …
by Lisa Hand There’s a special day that should have been our son’s birthday. It was his due date. But he passed at 28 weeks in utero in April 2014. So technically we already survived his first birthday in heaven but this date is still hitting me hard. I have another little Continue Reading …
She is not a memory. She is not a sad story. She is not “just a baby”. She is a real person. She is my daughter. When you speak about her, remember I value her above all other humans. I would have done anything to keep her with me. And Continue Reading …
by Louise Botterill Dear Brave Mama, For some of us, chasing the (seemingly never ending) dream of having another baby after loss can be so encompassing that it interferes with the life we already have. We become so caught up in chasing the unattainable that what’s right in front of Continue Reading …
The celebration of Saint Martin’s day is a special Venetian tradition. On the 11th of November the children in Venice, Italy stroll from one square to another, passing through the streets, the calle – as the are called in Venice-, armed with dishes and lids, and ask for some coins Continue Reading …
My life, though wonderful in more ways than one, does not look exactly how I pictured it when I was growing up. Life is not, however much we wish for it to be, a fairy tale. We don’t live lives like Cinderella, where all of our troubles go away when Continue Reading …
By Trish-Ann Taylor Our sweet daughter, Joislen Grace, is one month into her rest. One “monthiversary” of the many more to come. One month down. ____ more to go, till I get to hold you again. I have a list full of wishes. My totally viable princess could’ve lived on Continue Reading …
Think back to the last time you flew in a plane; do you remember the flight attendant giving the safety instructions? One instruction is that if the oxygen masks drop, you need to put your own mask on before helping anyone else. If you don’t save your own life, you Continue Reading …
I’ve always really liked Halloween. Before I became a mother it was a fun day filled with candy, ridiculous costumes, and scary movies. I’m not sure how I feel about it this year. Then again, I’m not sure how I feel about most things. This year is drastically different than Continue Reading …
When you lose your beloved child, finding purpose is one of the most difficult tasks you must face, in my opinion. When you lose your child, no matter when or how, your life suddenly becomes meaningless and purposeless. For a certain period of time your whole life comes to a halt. Continue Reading …
Most of our closest friends have three kids. Three! Three seems to be the new 2.5 kids in our culture. We love those big families of five even if sometimes we look at each on our way to the childless quiet of our home and say to one another, “Man, three kids! Continue Reading …
There is comfort to be found in things, when memories are so volatile, fleeting, unattainable. My daughter lived for eleven months, yet it sometimes feels like a dream, and left me wondering whether it really happened. I can’t remember her unique smell, the facial expressions that were hers only, the Continue Reading …
by Angie Every day is a struggle for loss mothers. And it seems the majority of these women are comforted by the loving support of their partners. Others are in the unique position of losing their child and having no partner to share their experience with. I am one of those women. Continue Reading …
By Lori Davis Sometimes my thoughts are neatly wrapped together and easy to articulate. And then there are days like today, when they feel a little jumbled and messy. That’s how grief works. It’s complex and confusing. There is no rhyme or reason to the ups and downs. It just is. I Continue Reading …
In those first dark days you will find yourself asking, “What is the point”? Everything that once seemed so important will lose all meaning. What is the point of getting out of bed, showering, eating? Much less, working, making a home, or planning for the future! Your world has been Continue Reading …
by Sarah Townend “Are you a mummy?” An elderly patient at work the other day. Somehow the question cut deeper than “do you have children?” Yes, I am a mummy, I thought, but how can I tell you? How can I possibly say to you that yes, I am a mummy Continue Reading …
It’s estimated that as many as one in four pregnancies will end in miscarriage or stillbirth. Somehow with all the medical advances that have been made in the last fifty years, we are still suffering this heartbreaking level of loss. And even worse, the stigma surrounding these deaths is still Continue Reading …
“I don’t get why you can’t be happy for others. I just don’t get it. Why do you have to make it about you ? Life goes on.” I’m so tired of needing to raise awareness, to explain, to educate. To teach, even though I’m a teacher. But it seems Continue Reading …
by Lindsay S Looking back over the years, I find there are different aspects surrounding my loss that grab my attention. More recently I see my dog Evelyn in a new light. She’s a sassy little terrier with a heart of gold who at the age of one went through the loss with Continue Reading …
by Éva Zsák When you read posts written by other bereaved parents, you may find some comfort in their lines. In your misery you see that there are so many others, unfortunately, who feel something very similar. It’s due to the sad fact that we all have something in common; we Continue Reading …
By Carol Jacobson I said to my friend today, “Hope is like a double edged sword. You know? It carries you through a lot of tough stuff, but at the same time, when you hold it that closely it really hurts later on.” I think this is applicable to many Continue Reading …
Losing you tore my world apart. Your death laid bare a desolate landscape on which I lay for years, fighting to breath in the broken, painful place called life after loss. My sweet baby girl, losing you was hell on earth. I would still choose you. Your life with me Continue Reading …
This post is part of a multi-part series regarding moving forward with life after loss and the struggles of the reintroduction to “normal life.” The focus of these posts is being prepared and coping with the things that will come as we resume our day to day lives and return Continue Reading …
by Lori Davis I often think about the “old” me vs. the “new” me. I have changed in so many ways since giving birth to my daughter at the end of March. I was so happy when I found out I was pregnant. I knew my life was about to change and Continue Reading …
I can’t believe I got rick roll’d today. You would think I would know better by know. And somehow those lyrics got to me. Never gonna give you up. As a loss mother, I have had to give up each of my babies. And now, I have had to give Continue Reading …
How do I even begin to explain to those around me how it feels to be a Mother whose only baby died? I’m not sure where to start. Sometimes, it’s so hard to put my feelings into writing. To experience them is much different than to communicate them. I’m going Continue Reading …
by Louise Botterill After the loss of a baby, we are all beyond devastated. Not one person ever expects that this would happen to them. Why would it? You only think it happens to other people, that it’s a statistic in a dusty old book somewhere but surely with modern Continue Reading …
We bought our first house in the fall, nearly seven years ago. The cute, 2-bedroom bungalow was the perfect starter home to update, make our own, and grow into a family of three. The second bedroom was earmarked as the nursery from the beginning. The next summer quickly came and with enthusiasm, we Continue Reading …
By Lindsay S Each year Spring hits, the blossoms come in, and like clockwork my Pregdar goes into overdrive, and I see pregnant women EVERYWHERE! People start going outside more, Spring turns to Summer, and I start to see babies EVERYWHERE! To add to all the (blatant to me) breeding Continue Reading …
When your only child has passed away, you are left in a state of limbo. You feel suspended between here and there, lost “in between” parenthood and child-loss. Are you still a parent? Of course! Death cannot change that. But the horrible irony of being a parent without a child Continue Reading …
When I was younger, I never thought about having kids. I thought about my career and getting married someday, about where I wanted to live and the difference I wanted to make in the world, about the places I wanted to see and the experiences I wanted to have. Having Continue Reading …
by Lori Davis I vividly remember going home that morning. A few hours earlier we found out we would never carry our little girl into her nursery, at least not in the way we had always imagined. We returned home for a few hours to “collect” ourselves. Truthfully, there was Continue Reading …
By Éva Zsák Having lost my baby boy one of the “encouraging” lines I often received was ‘It happens to so many other women, it’s not unusual. You’ll get over it.’ For me, thus, the message to understand was that to lose your child is not infrequent, therefore, you should not take Continue Reading …
by Leigh Kendall I started 2014 as an excited expectant mother: now I am a survivor of a rare, life-threatening illness, and an empty-armed mother. My heart is broken, my hopes dashed, my dreams destroyed. At the beginning of 2014 I was pregnant with my long-awaited first baby, who was due Continue Reading …
We all know that the death of a child is hard. There’s no question about that. The thought of a baby dying is one of the most tragic things imaginable, one of the most tragic things that can happen to happen to a person, no matter which way it’s spun. “I can’t Continue Reading …
By Carol Jacobson “Are you trying again?” That question! I’m not meaning to be rude, but I don’t think it’s anyone’s place to ask if Bill and I are “trying again”. It’s a deeply personal question that now comes with so many emotions tied so tightly to it. On one Continue Reading …
It’s been just over 18 months since my sweet baby girl Hannah passed away. She is my first and only child. It’s been a painful journey and I’ve learned so much. I know I have so much more to learn, but I only wish I didn’t have a reason to. Continue Reading …
By Éva Zsák The day when it all happened was a bit more than five years ago now. In May. May used to be my favourite month of the year, as spring used to be my favourite season. It used to be beautiful. I remember how happy I was on that Continue Reading …
by Lise Hauser When I knew that I wanted to be a midwife, it was because I wanted to care for the women, not because of the babies. I grew up taking care of my mom and my siblings after my dad died. Somehow I never envisioned myself as a Continue Reading …
Editor’s Note: This guest post is by a member of our Grieving Your Youngest group for loss mothers with living children, but no baby born after loss. Although Still Mothers’ focus is on families with no living children, we do see the need for resources for families with living children, but no Continue Reading …
Remember when the world held endless possibilities. Remember when dreams could come true. Remember when miracles happen. Remember when we saw the word “pregnant” in a way we never had before. Remember when we fell in love. Remember when we felt blessed. Remember when we felt safe. Remember when we Continue Reading …
“To keep false hopes is to prolong misery.” – Amy Tan Please stop telling me it will happen. Honestly, I don’t want YOUR hope. I know that’s all you’re trying to give me, but I just don’t want it. It’s not because I don’t want more biological children, but they Continue Reading …
By Lindsey S On March 30, 2009, aged 26, I lost my identity and future. My son Desmond was full term stillborn for no ascertainable reason after a textbook pregnancy, or so the medical report tells me. It took years to get to a point of accepting there would be Continue Reading …
We’ve all heard those stupid platitudes: Just keep trying, It’ll happen when the time is right, Your time will come Keep your chin up (what does my posture have to do with anything?) God just needed another angel (then why did he make a baby instead of an angel?) Miracles Continue Reading …
Let yourself cry. Let it out. Sob until you can’t take it anymore. Allow yourself to break down. Wail. Scream. Punch your pillow. Let it out! This is my advice for you, to help yourself heal. This is one of the things that has helped in my healing. A person who Continue Reading …
Editor’s Note: This guest post is by a member of our Grieving Your Youngest group for loss mothers with living children, but no baby born after loss. Although Still Mothers’ focus is on families with no living children, we do see the need for resources for families with living children, but no Continue Reading …
I am guilty. I’m guilty of judging every woman who’s pregnant with ease. I’m guilty of holding my niece and wishing she was mine. I’m guilty of avoiding baby showers and birthday parties. I’m guilty of glaring at swollen bellies with hatred. I’m guilty of staring at babies around her age – Continue Reading …
So “it” happened again. I hate how often this happens, an acquaintance using the dreaded “how many kids do you have” question as an icebreaker. This question appears innocent to many but to those of us who have dealt with infertility and/or pregnancy loss it is pure evil. As an Continue Reading …
Hello Still Mothers, I’m sure we don’t need to tell you it was Father’s Day this past weekend*. It was a tough weekend for us as Still Parents…another day that’s not at all how it should be. We hope it was a gentle as possible for you. We had lots Continue Reading …
If my daughter had lived, she would be 12 years old. She would be dealing with the challenges of middle school girls, heading fast into her teenage years, figuring out who she is as a young person, and, if she was anything like her mother, determined to do everything her Continue Reading …
Note: Today I’ve shared a post on Still Standing Magazine called Breaking the Second Silence that this post accompanies. It is about how some loss mothers (Still Mothers) do not have children after loss. I hope you’ll take the time to read and share it. Let me tell you a little about what it’s Continue Reading …
When you are a Still Mother, there are many situations and circumstances that are VERY difficult. If you ever feel the need, it is okay to: Unfollow or Hide a fellow baby loss mom when she becomes pregnant or gives birth to her healthy baby. Do various things Continue Reading …
I didn’t think anything of it when the text message popped up last week. It was from a friend that I hadn’t spoken to in a while. “Hey. I wanted to say thanks for reaching out to me last week.” While I was on vacation, I drove past a place that Continue Reading …
No one likes to lose. It is part of our human nature to want to win. We are taught to be competitive, to always do our best. And while there is nothing wrong with trying to win, we must also learn to lose. In every competition, someone loses. Whether it’s Continue Reading …
I miss those days when I thought nothing bad could happen to me. The days where I felt as if I were invincible. Every day brought promise and hope. Excitement over the future, and what could happen. Never fearing the future. Speeding down the highway, young and crazy, because “nothing Continue Reading …
June. You are summertime and sunshine. Fireflies and fragrant lilies. Sweet memories and love. Sweet possibilities and half-formed dreams. June. You are also bitter tears and broken hearts. Loss and tangled shadows. Darkness after the light goes out. Tattered dreams and deep, deep sorrow. June is Lily’s month. Lily was Continue Reading …
By the time I left work on Thursday my head was hurting and I was in no mood to cook. So my husband and I headed over to our favorite pizza buffet; I just wanted to eat and go home in peace. We got in line, then I saw her Continue Reading …
When I was a little girl I had a short run with softball. Well, it was t-ball if we want to get technical and I didn’t have any idea why I was there. There’s a cute little story my foster family used to tell everyone about how I didn’t know Continue Reading …
I am broken. You are broken. We are broken. Some of us…some of us are shattered. Some are so shattered that every time we exhale all we can do is watch the dust of ourselves blow away. As much as we try and grasp at that dust, try to catch Continue Reading …
When I found out I was pregnant, it was as if my entire life started to revolve around my son, Micah. I worried about him constantly (even before I knew he was a “him”). When I drove, I thought about Micah. When I sneezed, would it hurt Micah? Every time Continue Reading …
I am a mother, but I have no living children. I have two daughters that I grieve for and miss every day. I always will. Their loss is the greatest sorrow of my life. It’s challenging, at times, to live in a world that doesn’t want to recognize their lives. Continue Reading …
