To My Son, on His Fourth Birthday in Heaven

RaeAnne Fredrickson

My dear sweet Samuel,

Tomorrow is your birthday. Four years since we said hello and goodbye. Four years since our world lost its light.

Four years is too long. Four years is more than I thought I would make it without you. Four years passed by in a lifetime and in a flash.

Every day I miss you. Every day I long for you. Every day I wish you were here.

You would be so big, so grown, so independent. No longer the tiny little boy I held close as I said goodbye.

Life is empty without your laugh, your smile, you mischief, your spark.

You are loved, abundantly. You are missed, eternally. You are always the dreams and wishes we hold close to our hearts.

It’s been four years since I looked in your eyes. Since I cuddled you next to my heart. Since I caressed your soft skin and memorized the curve of your face. Four years since I had to let you go.

It’s four year later and you’re still the one I want. You’re still the one I’d choose. You’re still my son, my heart, my life.

Happy Birthday, my sweet beautiful boy.

Samuels Stone_TLWC
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I hope you feel our love, today and always, until we meet again.

Written by 

RaeAnne Fredrickson is mama to Samuel Evan, who was carried to birth with all her love, after receiving a fatal diagnosis early in pregnancy. She is the creator, co-founder, and Editor of Still Mothers. She is the founding owner of All That Love Can Do, a resource for families who continue pregnancy after a fatal diagnosis. She is a contributing author of Still Standing Magazine, and All That Love Can Do, and her own blog, The Love We Carry. Her story is featured in Still Standing: Because They Lived and "Invisible Mothers". She is married to her faithful husband, Bryan. She speaks openly about life and loss, the joy of carrying her son, and the heartache of living without him. She believes no one should have to face a life of loss alone.
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17 thoughts on “To My Son, on His Fourth Birthday in Heaven”

  4. I seriously love your website.. Very nice colors & theme. Did you make this site yourself?
    Please reply back as I’m planning to create my very own blog and would like to find out where you got this
    from or just what the theme is called. Thank you!

    Reply

  5. This design is spectacular! You obviously
    know how to keep a reader amused. Between your wit and your videos, I was almost moved to start my own blog (well, almost…HaHa!) Great job.
    I really enjoyed what you had to say, and more than that,
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  12. After I initially commented I seem to have clicked the -Notify me
    when new comments are added- checkbox and now
    every time a comment is added I get 4 emails with the same
    comment. There has to be a means you are able to remove me from
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  16. Hello, we lost our son Joseph will be 5 years in January. He was born two pounds. Our miracle from God. But we had him for thirty years. And what a joy he was. The only child that we could have. God blessed us with a special son. His father had a massive shroke in December n than we lost him the following January. We miss him so much every day. His big smile him calling us. It’s so hard to loose your child. But one sweet day we’ll see him again in heaven.

    Reply

  17. Thank you for being strong enough to be told a fatal diagnoses and not throwing the poor baby away. I’m very sorry to hear this story, especially since you seem like such a strong mother. Happy Birthday Samuel

    Reply

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