To My Precious Angel

My Precious Angel,
I  have always prided myself on my ability to remember little details, even when in traumatic situations. On Sunday June 12th, 2016, I remember waking up in the hospital that morning so angry, because I wasn’t brought breakfast like I was supposed to have, and I didn’t know why until the surgeon came in and said they decided to do an emergency c-section within the hour! I remember being so nervous and feeling caught completely off-guard (we were told it would probably happen the next day since they didn’t usually do c-sections on Sundays). But, I was just so excited to meet you, so I walked into that operating room like a boss and my nervousness just melted away. It was definitely the calmest I have ever been out of all of my surgeries; it was the day I was going to meet you! The surgeon asked what music I’d like to have playing, and — of course — I said the Beatles!

At exactly 12:09pm you came into this world at 6 pounds 1 ounce and 17.6 inches long, screaming (the only time I ever heard you cry), with a full head of hair, and just 2 days short of being 3 weeks early. “Here Comes the Sun” was playing as you entered the world which made the moment completely perfect. Daddy likes to laugh at the fact that being me, I asked if they could change the time to either 12:08 or 12:10..of course I was given a look like I was crazy and then told no. I then went right into protective mama mode and yelled at the nurse who took you away to make sure she put your ID bracelet on ASAP so that you didn’t get mixed up with another baby, to which your daddy said to the nurse (without hesitation) “sorry, she watches a LOT of Lifetime movies”. I found out later on that you were the only baby in that transition room, so I had to apologize!

Even though I was in recovery for an obnoxiously long time, and then stuck in bed (literally) for the rest of the day/night, and as depressed as I was that i couldn’t see you when everyone else got to, June 12th, 2016 was one of the happiest days of my life! YOU were here!

I never had the chance to have a baby shower, take maternity pictures, and I most certainly NEVER got to experience labor (actually for that I must thank you… I think you decided to get out early to spare me that). Even though all of that makes me sad now that you’re gone, that sadness disappears when I remember that exact day last year at 12:09pm. From that moment on, I was blessed to be called your mommy!

Some days are still harder than others. My heart has been broken since you left this world on October 16th, 2016, and it will never be fully repaired until I see you again. But to still be considered a mother even without you physically here, brings a sense of comfort that I never knew I could have. All I ever wanted in my life was to be a mother. Thanks to you, my angel, my life’s wish came true. Forever my baby you’ll be, and forever and STILL your mother, and A mother, I’ll be.

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Deanna Sichel is 30 years old and lives on Long Island with her husband, Dan, and their kitten, Payton. Their first and only child, Gemma Ariel, passed away in the NICU after only 4 months and 4 days from complications of a congenital heart defect called Hypoplastic Right Heart Syndrome. Deanna is a 2-time ovarian cancer survivor, and is used to spreading awareness. Since Gemma’s passing, Deanna and Dan have been huge advocates for spreading CHD awareness. Everything they do is to honor their beautiful angel, Gemma. Their wish is that their tragedy will help a future family, so that they will never have to endure the pain that Deanna and Dan are still feeling.

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