Several months ago, I went to a baby shower. It was the first baby shower I’d been to since my daughter was born still seven months earlier. It was the first baby shower I’d been to since my baby shower nine months earlier. I survived. It was actually much better than I Continue Reading …
One year ago, I had my first real out-of-body experience. It happened the moment I found out my baby’s heart had stopped beating. The beautiful sound that mimicked galloping horses – the one I never feared would go away because I was naive – disappeared. My baby, who was so full of Continue Reading …
Another day Another week Another month Almost a full year without you Another quiet morning at home Another lunch date for two Another sleepless night Almost a full year of silence Another pregnancy announcement Another baby shower invitation Another birth announcement Almost a full year of constant tears Another abrupt Continue Reading …
To say 2015 was a difficult year is an understatement. I went from feeling like I was on top of the world, to drowning in an ocean full of sorrow, anger, and confusion. And tears. Lots and lots of tears. I started 2015 as an expectant mother. I was seven Continue Reading …
It’s been nine long months since I said hello and goodbye to Elliot. It’s been nine long months since I last heard her heartbeat. It’s been nine long months since I thought I was bringing home my healthy, full term baby. I’ve had nine months to prepare for today, my first Christmas Continue Reading …
You are my first thought in the morning. You are my very last thought before I fall asleep. You are the light along this dim path. You are the one who taught me the meaning of true love. You are everything that is right in the world. You are Continue Reading …
It’s finally here, my first Thanksgiving without my daughter. I’ve been dreading this day for months. Eight months, to be exact. Like most other holidays and events, I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about what it will be like without my daughter. Utterly heartbreaking are the words that always Continue Reading …
A few nights ago, as my husband and I drove past our old neighborhood on the way home from a family event, he asked if I wanted to go by our old apartment. I was reluctant, but I agreed. Feeling so unsure about a place we used to call home Continue Reading …
I’ve always really liked Halloween. Before I became a mother it was a fun day filled with candy, ridiculous costumes, and scary movies. I’m not sure how I feel about it this year. Then again, I’m not sure how I feel about most things. This year is drastically different than Continue Reading …
