Dear Alyssa, The other day I went to the support group and I saw a little red robin playing in the sprinkler. Was that you? I felt that you were following me and giving me a sign. I never really see signs here at home outside, but whenever I go Continue Reading …
Stillness. I never realized there would be so much stillness. My husband and I were always introverts but this was a far different atmosphere than we were used to. After years of trying-and failing-to have a family we were tens of thousands of dollars in debt and surrounded by stillness. Continue Reading …
Dear God, You and I — we’re not on the best of terms right now. Our relationship is not over. I am just finding it really hard to talk to you. Is it because I’m angry with you? Maybe. Is it because I no longer trust you? Quite possibly. Is Continue Reading …
NPR recently aired a segment about the lifestyle choices that increase humans’ life expectancy. The biggest factor was the quality of a person’s relationships and how connected they felt to others. When my son died the connections I had in my life were no longer enough. I found myself constantly Continue Reading …
As Still Mothers, we never know when grief will come knocking and demand our attention. It’s usually not expected Usually not invited Usually not a good time. Yet, when grief shows up, acknowledging it is a way of honoring our children. So, we give it a moment. To resonate in Continue Reading …
Several times a day I run my fingers over the ink in the crook of my arm. Shortly after my twins were born too young to survive in the world, I took the footprints from the hospital and had them tattooed on my arm. Their feet would’ve rested here when Continue Reading …
Hope can spring from the strangest places; like a former Concentration Camp. The day of my visit to Auschwitz marked eleven moths and fourteen days since my son, Jack, was born, and eleven months and fifteen days since he died in my arms. It was 7 weeks to the day Continue Reading …
What if I am never able to have kids? What happens to my life then? These are questions I have contemplated frequently in recent months since my second angel baby gained his wings. The world becomes a scary place when something you have unknowingly been planning for since you were Continue Reading …
She would have been your first friend nearly your sister almost a twin. You illumined the winter solstice our cycles of hope and despair, and I cried with joy and sorrow and longing. One more intricate try for me in the dead of winter – she was there. I gave Continue Reading …
This is my first time writing for Still Mothers and I want to thank RaeAnne and Lisa for creating such a safe and inclusive place for women to just be with their grief without having to worry about coming across the triggers that seem to be everywhere these days. I’ve Continue Reading …
I used to go on walks at the park with a mommy friend of mine. We’d stroll with our babies strapped to our chests and catch up on each others lives. Talk about the hard parts of being a mom, and the amazing parts, too. She’d talk about what her Continue Reading …
The number 10 has a special meaning for me and my husband. We had been married for 10 years when we finally got pregnant after numerous failed fertility treatments. Our daughter Pearl was born still at 29 weeks on April 10, 2006, and it’s now 10 years since she has left Continue Reading …
As I continue on my journey of learning to live my life without my son, a family, and totally alone I have found tremendous comfort in art. I learned basic painting techniques while I attended AAU when I went back for my degree. Little did I know then how helpful Continue Reading …
“The heart isn’t beating.” I said it to the doctor, sure. I wasn’t asking a question, but I wanted to be. “I haven’t gotten there yet,” he said back to me. He was measuring the head. He was checking out the placenta. When I said it he immediately shifted his Continue Reading …
There is a trending tag in social media right now, #thisismotherhood. This tag is usually accompanied by photos of mothers with their children, and statuses describing one or many of the difficulties that comes with being a mother. While I think this is a great movement, I can’t help but Continue Reading …
This week between International Bereaved Mother’s Day and the traditional Mother’s Day has been an emotionally draining roller coaster ride for me as a Still Mother. My world changed three years ago when I lost my own mother, and I never thought that Mother’s Day would feel the same again, Continue Reading …
Dear Doctors, Nurses, and Health Professionals, First of all thank you for all that you do. The love and care that you so tirelessly put into taking care of our babies and trying to save them does not go unnoticed. You are incredible human beings who sacrifice your own families, Continue Reading …
Walking through the stores lately, everything is all about Mother’s Day. It’s like a punch in the stomach when your child is dead. Does anyone remember that I am a mother too? My son doesn’t walk this earth with me, but I am still a mother…..right? Yes, I am. We Continue Reading …
by Kristen Gluck I am in the biggest fight of my life. I am fighting with grief. I am physically and mentally exhausted from fighting every single day. My adorable, perfect, baby boy was taken from me for no reason. Everyday the pain still astonishes me. Physical pain, mental pain, Continue Reading …
by Alissa Snyder Today in my Facebook news feed I saw five pregnancy announcements. One of these stated “Now that we’ve seen the heartbeat we can announce…..” I silently raged at this moment. (Okay, okay, I was actually really loud and angry.) I wanted to shout, “A heartbeat does Continue Reading …
by Shannon Shpak I dreamed of you last night. The sunlight streamed down on your face, your arms held wide and your head thrown back in abandon. I could hear your laugh again and I felt the touch of your hands patting my face as they always did. It felt like Continue Reading …
*Editors Note: This guest post offers one mother’s perspective on healing and finding peace after loss. It may be triggering for some. If the concept of “choosing healing/happiness/peace” is upsetting to you, please read with caution, or simply skip this post. ~ “There is only one way to learn It’s Continue Reading …
Before loading the car with the Ina Garten potatoes and the mini-ham sandwich appetizers, I found myself in tears in the bathroom. Preparing to leave for our dear friends’ home for Christmas, I just didn’t want to go. Didn’t have the energy to flat iron the hair and find an outfit, especially one Continue Reading …
*Editors Note: This post is about the author’s struggle with religion, personal beliefs, and religious platitudes after loss. If religion is a triggering subject for you, please proceed with caution, or simply skip this post. Here at Still Mothers, we know the value of spirituality/religion as a means for healing for some, and Continue Reading …
by Lisa Hand There’s a special day that should have been our son’s birthday. It was his due date. But he passed at 28 weeks in utero in April 2014. So technically we already survived his first birthday in heaven but this date is still hitting me hard. I have another little Continue Reading …
by Louise Botterill Dear Brave Mama, For some of us, chasing the (seemingly never ending) dream of having another baby after loss can be so encompassing that it interferes with the life we already have. We become so caught up in chasing the unattainable that what’s right in front of Continue Reading …
By Trish-Ann Taylor Our sweet daughter, Joislen Grace, is one month into her rest. One “monthiversary” of the many more to come. One month down. ____ more to go, till I get to hold you again. I have a list full of wishes. My totally viable princess could’ve lived on Continue Reading …
by Angie Every day is a struggle for loss mothers. And it seems the majority of these women are comforted by the loving support of their partners. Others are in the unique position of losing their child and having no partner to share their experience with. I am one of those women. Continue Reading …
By Lori Davis Sometimes my thoughts are neatly wrapped together and easy to articulate. And then there are days like today, when they feel a little jumbled and messy. That’s how grief works. It’s complex and confusing. There is no rhyme or reason to the ups and downs. It just is. I Continue Reading …
by Sarah Townend “Are you a mummy?” An elderly patient at work the other day. Somehow the question cut deeper than “do you have children?” Yes, I am a mummy, I thought, but how can I tell you? How can I possibly say to you that yes, I am a mummy Continue Reading …
When our twin boys, Damon and Drazan, died last May 21, my husband and I were sent reeling. And it was in this condition that we were expected to make some pretty important decisions: to bury or cremate…? Do we baptize them, or…? What kind of service should we…? It all felt Continue Reading …
by Carol Jacobson Have you heard the phrase “deafening silence”? I’m not sure that I used to understand what it meant. It is autumn now, and evenings are finally cooler. We turn off the air conditioning and open the windows in the bedroom. I hear the quiet hum of the Continue Reading …
by Lindsay S Looking back over the years, I find there are different aspects surrounding my loss that grab my attention. More recently I see my dog Evelyn in a new light. She’s a sassy little terrier with a heart of gold who at the age of one went through the loss with Continue Reading …
by Éva Zsák When you read posts written by other bereaved parents, you may find some comfort in their lines. In your misery you see that there are so many others, unfortunately, who feel something very similar. It’s due to the sad fact that we all have something in common; we Continue Reading …
By Carol Jacobson I said to my friend today, “Hope is like a double edged sword. You know? It carries you through a lot of tough stuff, but at the same time, when you hold it that closely it really hurts later on.” I think this is applicable to many Continue Reading …
by Lori Davis I often think about the “old” me vs. the “new” me. I have changed in so many ways since giving birth to my daughter at the end of March. I was so happy when I found out I was pregnant. I knew my life was about to change and Continue Reading …
by Louise Botterill After the loss of a baby, we are all beyond devastated. Not one person ever expects that this would happen to them. Why would it? You only think it happens to other people, that it’s a statistic in a dusty old book somewhere but surely with modern Continue Reading …
By Jaime Groth-Searle We decorated the room – gray with orange zigzags, and bright yellow cushions with a tall bookshelf, every nook crammed with dusty comics from our own childhoods. We wanted our twin boys to have all those things we loved, and we wanted to help them discover new things too. Continue Reading …
By Lindsay S Each year Spring hits, the blossoms come in, and like clockwork my Pregdar goes into overdrive, and I see pregnant women EVERYWHERE! People start going outside more, Spring turns to Summer, and I start to see babies EVERYWHERE! To add to all the (blatant to me) breeding Continue Reading …
by Lori Davis I vividly remember going home that morning. A few hours earlier we found out we would never carry our little girl into her nursery, at least not in the way we had always imagined. We returned home for a few hours to “collect” ourselves. Truthfully, there was Continue Reading …
By Éva Zsák Having lost my baby boy one of the “encouraging” lines I often received was ‘It happens to so many other women, it’s not unusual. You’ll get over it.’ For me, thus, the message to understand was that to lose your child is not infrequent, therefore, you should not take Continue Reading …
by Leigh Kendall I started 2014 as an excited expectant mother: now I am a survivor of a rare, life-threatening illness, and an empty-armed mother. My heart is broken, my hopes dashed, my dreams destroyed. At the beginning of 2014 I was pregnant with my long-awaited first baby, who was due Continue Reading …
By Carol Jacobson “Are you trying again?” That question! I’m not meaning to be rude, but I don’t think it’s anyone’s place to ask if Bill and I are “trying again”. It’s a deeply personal question that now comes with so many emotions tied so tightly to it. On one Continue Reading …
By Éva Zsák The day when it all happened was a bit more than five years ago now. In May. May used to be my favourite month of the year, as spring used to be my favourite season. It used to be beautiful. I remember how happy I was on that Continue Reading …
by Lise Hauser When I knew that I wanted to be a midwife, it was because I wanted to care for the women, not because of the babies. I grew up taking care of my mom and my siblings after my dad died. Somehow I never envisioned myself as a Continue Reading …
Editor’s Note: This guest post is by a member of our Grieving Your Youngest group for loss mothers with living children, but no baby born after loss. Although Still Mothers’ focus is on families with no living children, we do see the need for resources for families with living children, but no Continue Reading …
By Lindsey S On March 30, 2009, aged 26, I lost my identity and future. My son Desmond was full term stillborn for no ascertainable reason after a textbook pregnancy, or so the medical report tells me. It took years to get to a point of accepting there would be Continue Reading …
Editor’s Note: This guest post is by a member of our Grieving Your Youngest group for loss mothers with living children, but no baby born after loss. Although Still Mothers’ focus is on families with no living children, we do see the need for resources for families with living children, but no Continue Reading …
I didn’t think anything of it when the text message popped up last week. It was from a friend that I hadn’t spoken to in a while. “Hey. I wanted to say thanks for reaching out to me last week.” While I was on vacation, I drove past a place that Continue Reading …
