This is part II of II posts on separation and love after loss. Read part I here. When autumn came, I started working and we started fighting. Like, all the time. We blamed each other for petty and terrible things alike. He couldn’t stand me. I despised him. He felt Continue Reading …
This is Part I of II posts on separation and love after loss. Please come back Wednesday to read the second part. We weren’t married, Soley’s dad and I. We wanted to be married, and we had everything — a ring, a date, and a venue — but then we had Continue Reading …
Two years ago, I met a woman at a bereaved moms retreat. She was beautiful and beaming, a soothed soul, the kind of women that grief didn’t make sour. She said she didn’t want the daughter she lost during birth to be linked with anything negative; on the contrary, she wanted Continue Reading …
My daughter died two and a half years ago and everyday I’m fighting for her life. I’m fighting for her life to be acknowledged, to be recognized, to be remembered. For her name to be said, for her presence to be counted. I’m fighting for her, and for me as Continue Reading …
I used to have a little girl. The fairest of them all. A cuddler, a fighter, everything I had hoped for. I used to be a mother, to carry her, to feed her, to change her diapers. I was the moon to her sun, and never away from her. But Continue Reading …
Consider that this pregnancy announcement might be difficult for her We understand that for you, this pregnancy is a wonderful news that you’re excited to share with the world – and for the most part, the world will gleefully congratulate you. But remember those that will be too heartbroken to Continue Reading …
First published on my blog. *Editor’s Note: Living child mentioned and shown (a family friend). I kept her alive. Of course it took the both of us to make her, that afternoon in his small student room, and from that moment he was always there, and he always loved her. Continue Reading …
A fellow still mother recently shared on our support group about an hurtful exchange that took place at the school she works at. As the staff was discussing children’s activities for this past Mother’s Day, one of her coworker assessed that only “actively mothering” women should be celebrated on Mother’s Day. In this Continue Reading …
*Editor’s Note: this post was originally published on Chloë’s blog. When I lived in cancer world, everyone was praising my strength. I was standing tall as a mountain, walking with giant stride, carrying my baby in my arms. I didn’t flicker ; I rarely cried. When asked how I was holding Continue Reading …
My grief rarely makes me cry and when it does, it’s never in public. My grief is more likely to be stress, weariness, and anxiety. My grief is a disability, but it’s more likely one you can’t see. My grief is setting me apart. My grief changed my identity, made me Continue Reading …
*Editor’s Note: This post was originally published on Chloë’s blog, here. “It is better to light a candle, than to curse the darkness.” I started to blog for two reasons : first, because I thought the love I shared with my daughter was a story worth telling. Second, because I was living in an oncology Continue Reading …
So guys, we survived! We survived another Christmas without our precious children. I bet no one congratulated you, so let me do it : Great job, you! I don’t care if you stayed home and cried the whole day, I’m still proud of you. Because I know how hard it was. I Continue Reading …
*Original version published here. What do people really mean when they say, You are so strong? You are so brave? They mean: You are different than most. Different than them. They say maybe you are somehow better equipped to deal with this tragedy. (Perhaps it’s no coincidence it happened to your family). Continue Reading …
She is not a memory. She is not a sad story. She is not “just a baby”. She is a real person. She is my daughter. When you speak about her, remember I value her above all other humans. I would have done anything to keep her with me. And Continue Reading …
There was a new terror attack in Paris last night. A lot of my friends, both French and foreigners, were worried and asked if I was fine. But I wasn’t even in the city, actually. I had decided on a whim to spend the weekend in the countryside. Like most, I Continue Reading …
There is comfort to be found in things, when memories are so volatile, fleeting, unattainable. My daughter lived for eleven months, yet it sometimes feels like a dream, and left me wondering whether it really happened. I can’t remember her unique smell, the facial expressions that were hers only, the Continue Reading …
“I don’t get why you can’t be happy for others. I just don’t get it. Why do you have to make it about you ? Life goes on.” I’m so tired of needing to raise awareness, to explain, to educate. To teach, even though I’m a teacher. But it seems Continue Reading …
