If you’ve ever had a miscarriage, stillbirth, infant loss or experienced the death of a young child you know that there is one question that you will inevitably be asked: “Will you try again?”.

I believe this question is asked because that is the nature of humanity. We try to focus on the positive, with mantras such as “If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again” ingrained in our minds. From childhood we are taught that if you put your mind to it and try hard enough that nothing is out of reach. And while this may be true for many things in life – this logic falls miserably short after the loss of a child. Despite popular belief, this is not something you can control. No matter what some people may think, you can do EVERYTHING right and still lose. OR you can NOTHING right and not lose.

As parents who have lost our first, only, or all of our children there is really no good that can come from this question. Whether it is to the newly bereaved or to someone whose loss was long enough ago (by your time standards), there is really no time frame in which it is acceptable to pose this question. And it truly does not matter if you are asking from a place of sincere care or nosy curiosity. If they want to share their struggle with you or open up about what they may or may not be trying – that is up to them.

Because the truth is that no child is replaceable. After the loss of a child, it may seem to many that having another one is the next “logical” step, however there are so many reasons that that does not happen for some time or may never happen at all. And even if it does happen quickly that doesn’t mean the parent isn’t grieving their loss. The new life does not replace the loss of the first life – it must still be grieved and processed. So whether it is the parent’s choice to delay having another child or it is due to something completely out of their control, please try to be considerate. Each child lost (at no matter what stage) was dearly wanted, eternally loved, and remains absolutely irreplaceable.

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Alex Hopper

Alex Hopper is a freelance writer living in North Carolina. She has been happily married to Trent for 7 years. Their son, Cyrus, was diagnosed with a rare fatal birth defect at their 12 week ultrasound. They chose to fight for his life and to carry him with love for as long as they could. He was born on November 25, 2013 at 33 weeks and lived for a precious 1 hour and 9 minutes. They are heartbroken that he is gone but thankful for his life and know that he will never be forgotten. He is their only child. Now Alex chooses to write openly and honestly about her grieving process and hopes that her words will help others feel less alone. She created and writes at Hope in the Heartache, and is a writer for All That Love Can Do.

Latest posts by Alex Hopper (see all)

• The Roads We Take - December 31, 2016
• Irreplaceable - July 27, 2016
• No Footprints in the Snow - February 29, 2016