It has been seven years since I became a mother, and I have done every kind of Mothers day. From the devastated, to denying the day exists, to the keeping it together for the other moms around me, back to denial, and everything in between.
This year is different – I want to celebrate Mothers day. I want the pedicure gift. I want a real hallmark card. I want flowers. I want to be acknowledged as the mom I am.
This year I feel strong enough to *try* to go out amoungst the other moms and partake in a little pampering (wish me luck!).
I want at least one occasion to be marked like any other mom (as much as circumstances allow). I want to indulge in the pride of being a parent. I want to honor my motherhood because I am still a mother!
My son changed me in so many ways, including for the better. I deserve to be recognized.
It wasn’t a long drawn out decision, it was just a peaceful point I came to. When I thought -that day is on its way – it wasn’t filled with dread.
So in my sons honour, and in my current state of mind – I want to go out and be Des’s Mom this Mothers day.
I think I’ve earned it.
The grief from the unexplainable loss, and subsequent miscarriages, proved near impossible to handle for the young couple causing them to loose themselves, and inevitably each other.
In time they were able to reunite, and resumed some semblance of a normal life. When it came around to trying again, each had their own conflicting thoughts and feelings that understandably ran deep. After soul searching and thoroughly disscusing it a shift happened.
Going into 2015 the decision was made to stop trying. Just let it go. Closing the door but not locking it. Taking some time to look around at the other doors in life. Maybe open a window or two 😉
Grappling with the choice to continue to live a childless life, Lindsay happened upon and joined the Still Mothers community. She hopes in sharing her experiences she can help those who for whatever reason are faced with living childless after loss.
- This Mother’s Day - May 2, 2016
- Thoughts on Your birthday - March 28, 2016
- Personal Trials at Work - February 17, 2016
You are so brave!! I just lost my son about three weeks ago and I am going to try to enjoy it as well! God give us strength. 🙂 Happy early Mother’s Day! #wearestillmothers
I completely agree with this. November will be 6 years since my 1st loss (my twins) and for some reason this year I’ve really wanted to do the whole Mother’s Day thing. I want flowers and to be pampered and even brunch.