Being at work can be a challenge as a Still Mother. I manage a small sports therapy clinic, and overseeing the ins and outs keeps me pretty occupied. Most days I can just worry about regular office stuff, but occasionally some personal trials come up within my workday, one of which still throw me off my game every time.
It’s related to some trends I’ve noticed in my particular field: More young athletes doing physiotherapy as part of their training regiments and women are going more frequently for prenatal massages. Kids as young as 6, 7, and 8 are coming in for treatment; we also have seen an influx in women around their 2nd and 3rd trimesters.
I’m all for both but when one or the other occurs at MY clinic I find my usual efficient self starts to lollygag coming back from the bathroom, or spends a little bit more time checking Pinterest. I’ve even intentionally taken the extra long way to go pick up the mail. I just sort of tune out for a little bit and check back in after their session.
Don’t get my wrong, I don’t do it to avoid seeing the bellies, or to skip overhearing some of the hilarious things young kids say. It’s that the mom’s associated with these children that I’m avoiding. They are always the ones to ask my child-status. We get it – you have living kids – but that doesn’t mean everyone else does, wants to, or even can. So I avoid them to avoid that damn question.
It’s the difference between not being asked, and them leaving so the day gets going back at its pace, OR having to respond and my head being gone for the rest of the day.
“Do you have any children?” Why do they always have to ask me!? They manage to snag me at a time when I can’t get away and I’m point blank asked like a deer in headlights. That’s where I mumble out some slightly ambiguous answer just so they don’t look at me like I’m a hurt puppy, but never ask me again… then it’s just awkward after. Like a dirty little secret revealed and they can’t look me in the eyes.
Being in the field I am I know the job entails crossing paths with some kids and some pregnant women, especially as people are more active, and there are more breakthroughs in healthcare. I can adapt to this in time – not like there’s hundreds of kids and moms-to-be coming in all at once.
However, I can’t deal with the current social rules around it being ok for near strangers to inquire about peoples reproduction. I know its well intended but it’s completely disconnected from the delicacy of the topic AND its messing with my work performance.
I guess that’s just life as a Still Mother.
The grief from the unexplainable loss, and subsequent miscarriages, proved near impossible to handle for the young couple causing them to loose themselves, and inevitably each other.
In time they were able to reunite, and resumed some semblance of a normal life. When it came around to trying again, each had their own conflicting thoughts and feelings that understandably ran deep. After soul searching and thoroughly disscusing it a shift happened.
Going into 2015 the decision was made to stop trying. Just let it go. Closing the door but not locking it. Taking some time to look around at the other doors in life. Maybe open a window or two 😉
Grappling with the choice to continue to live a childless life, Lindsay happened upon and joined the Still Mothers community. She hopes in sharing her experiences she can help those who for whatever reason are faced with living childless after loss.
- This Mother’s Day - May 2, 2016
- Thoughts on Your birthday - March 28, 2016
- Personal Trials at Work - February 17, 2016