Father’s Day is an odd day in my world.

I’m grateful that I still have my father, whom I adore, and I have fun finding both silly and sweet cards for him and making sure to talk with him on the phone that day (since he lives 1200 miles away). But there is also this empty space on Father’s Day that I don’t quite know what to do with. Missing puzzle pieces that have been lost for years.

How do you honor the father of your child on this day, when both your daughter and her father are dead?

My beloved fiancé never got to know he was a father. He died in a car accident before I had to chance to tell him of the beautiful life that we had created together. Then several months later, our sweet baby was born still. Suddenly, they were both gone, leaving behind missing puzzle pieces to this adventure I call my life.

Father’s Day isn’t the emotional mess for me that Mother’s Day is, but it is an odd sort of day. I can’t help but think of my fiancé and the kind of father he would have been had they both lived.

He would have been amazing.

He always knew he wanted to be a dad. He wanted to be a dad, teach, and love me. As for the rest, he always said, whatever makes you happy is fine with me. As long as he could do those three things, he’d be happy with whatever else life had in store. It breaks my heart that he didn’t get the chance to know he was a father.

I am grateful he didn’t have to endure the heartbreak of losing her as I have, and I like to think that in whatever comes after this life on earth, they are together now. It comforts me to imagine that when she died, she went to him and he is experiencing his fatherhood with her now.

Since they are both off on their next adventure, leaving me with these missing pieces to Father’s Day, all I can do is remember. I’ll take some time on this day to remember and be grateful to my amazing partner for the child we created together. I will acknowledge and feel the grief that comes with knowing that they are gone and my life puzzle with them will never be fully complete. I will fill those missing pieces with love and gratitude and tears.

Happy Father’s Day, my love. I hope you are celebrating and dancing among the stars with our sweet girl.

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Emily Long

Emily Long is the mother of two much-loved daughters, both gone-too-soon. Several months after the death of her fiancé, their daughter Grace was born still. For many years, Emily lived with this loss in silence and isolation. It wasn’t until she experienced the death of her second daughter, Lily, that she finally sought support and created a community of people who helped her find the beauty and joy in life again. Through her own healing process, Emily became an advocate for all families grieving the loss of their children. Emily is a grief counselor in private practice and the author of the upcoming book, “Invisible Mothers.”

Emily works hard to increase education and improve care for bereaved mothers with medical professionals and other counselors. She also works with clients individually to provide support for grieving mothers and fathers. She writes and educates through her website, Emily Long: Archaeologist of the Living.

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